Cookie’s Corner: Tough Love For Celebs; Lance, Manti, Beyonce, Ashton

“Oprah is still fat and Lance is still a liar.” – Cookie (aka) The Lynching Latina

lance_oprah Meet_The_Matts
Cookie’s got Tough Love For Celebs

FROZEN TUNDRA, CT – Another week gone and another year off my life listening to my compadres in the Northeast bitch about how cold it is. It’s winter. If it’s as cold as a witch’s t*t and it’s NOT snowing. Be thankful for that. Toughen up. And speaking of needing to be thankful and getting tough, there are several celebrities and sports personalities that need to toughen up. So, here’s my Tough Love for Celebs:

BEYONCE is BLOWIN’ IT:  There was media coverage aplenty as we swore in Barack H. Obama as the 45th President of the United States of America. And it was done on Martin Luther King Day, to boot. So, while I find the “What is the FLOTUS gonna wear?” talk annoying, I tolerate it. And then there was the introduction of Joe Biden botch (who cares… they introduced at the wrong time. No one walked out. BIG WHOOP).  But the BIG story?!  DID Beyonce lip-sync the National Anthem or not? This honestly is the ONE story that carried through ALL WEEK and really –  who the f*ck cares? And WHY couldn’t she sing? Never mind. I really don’t care… but damn she needs to send those 80-carat emerald earrings to the person they’d look best on… ME.

 Kutchy Koo!MANTI O’TEARS:  Someone needs to tell this kid that if he’s a starting player on a team that’s made it all the way to the NCAA Championships – he have a girlfriend. A REAL, LIFE, IN-THE-FLESH GIRLFRIEND. Heck, I am sure there are plenty of girls who were throwing themselves at his goofy ass. So what does he do when he gets called out by the media on it as a liar? He sits in front of Katie Couric and CRIES. Perhaps he cried to  distract from the SPECTACULAR train wreck that was Notre Dame. Suck it up kiddo, the post-collegiate world is full of REAL people and they’re gonna make you cry PUH-LENTY.

MILA KUNIS’ KUTCHY KOO: The NY Post reports that if a movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey is made, that Mila Kunis wants in. So where is the “stop crying and toughen up” angle? Could it be Ashton Kutcher possibly objecting to someone playing hanky panky with his girl? Maybe. Could it be Mila getting all upset if she gets denied the role in favor of The Canyons star, and MTM favorite train-wreck, Lindsay Lohan? Perhaps.  But maybe, just MAYBE the biggest bitching and moaning is if there isn’t a picture of Kunis here for your viewing pleasure.  (You’re welcome.)

Take the damn picture already. She's turnin' blue!!
Take the damn picture already. She’s turnin’ blue!!

LANCE & OPRAH:  I taped this and watched about twenty minutes of Part I. Having a full-frontal lobotomy would have been more fun. So, what was the net-net of this? Lance doped because EVERYONE else did and so if he didn’t, it wasn’t really a level playing field. The other thing I got outta this?  Oprah is still fat and Lance is still a liar.

And that’s it for me. I’m gonna go embrace the cold and won’t bitch about it unless snow comes and school is cancelled again. Heck, I’ll embrace forty-degree water in a bikini for charity. Yeah.. I’m tough enough. And thank you to all of you who donated in support of our Newtown victims charity funds.


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About Cookie 101 Articles
Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.