Week 1 NFL Picks To Fund Your Divorce

thNEW YORK, NY – It’s here. A full slate of regular season NFL games to plunk your last Yogi Berra’s-nickel-that-ain’t-worth-a-dime-anymore down on. Management aims to please here at Meet The Matts, thus making employment near impossible. Serving as Sunday’s hack has become much more unbearable since The Walking Boss’ Mandate to improve on last year’s winning percentage. The sixty-six percent clip of 2012 (look up the archives for proof) would suffice for Vegas wiseguys, but Short Matt has thrown down the ultimatum and I’m ready for the challenge. You know how it goes…the best favorite, underdog, over and under; Week 1 NFL Picks To Fund Your Divorce… all to make CA$H.

UNDER… This was the most profitable bet of 2012 as life’s experience of being married twice and developing the ability to smell a dud just comes naturally for your gambling benefit if nothing else. What seems like an OVER play for the past three or four years the Patriots-Bills meetings go something like this–Buffalo opens a double digit lead that disintegrates faster than one of my marriages and the game is a runaway freight train of a win for New England. The cast of offensive talent has changed on both sides. Welker (Denver), Woodhead (SD), wide receivers Dobson and Thompkins (rookies), Gronkowski (banged up and Polish), Amendola (SURPRISE! injured already) and Hernandez (incarcerated), Fitzpatrick and his turnovers cut for a running rookie, E.J. Manuel.  But wait, there’s more!  A new placekicker in Western N.Y., and two defenses who give up chunks of yards to formidable ground attacks.  A clock eating game on the way to an offensive divorce.  NE at BUFFALO UNDER 51.

UNDERDOG…  Man’s best friend truly is his dog.  Underdogs are equally kind to the gambler who wisely takes the points odds makers give and laugh all the way to collecting greenbacks and humping his bookie’s leg.  Dry hump your way to cash by betting the Carolina Panthers plus three and the ever-loving hook as I can see this being a one-possession field goal game.  West Coast teams traveling east for 1 p.m. kickoffs notoriously under-perform and I’m counting on the Carolina team we saw toward the end of 2012 and a rejuvenated defense to ratchet things up on a Seattle team that may be reading too many of the press clippings that already have them in the Super Bowl.  PANTHERS +3 1/2.

FAVORITE…  A Monday Night Mortal Massacre is on the schedule.  Seeing the Houston Texans on the road as four point choice against what I think is an absolutely atrocious football team in the San Diego Chargers and who may challenge the New York Jets for the #1 overall pick in the NFL Draft, is like stealing money.  The Texans folded down the stretch last year, lost their division in the process and subsequently stumbled in the playoffs because of it.  If there’s any leadership in that locker room , they’re pissed and take it out on a team with Jets-like offensive personnel. HOUSTON -4

DJ Eberle WNE 2013 Meet_The_Matts

OVER…  The Achilles heel on the way to the aforementioned 66% winning rate was the OVER selections so there will not be any analysis to sway you but how about St. Louis/Arizona OVER 41 1/2.

A guy that is offensive and keeps people from going over the line, DJ Eberle, tomorrow.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.