LAUGHLIN, NV– I’m no Raoul Duke but the decline of competitive professional football as we once knew it has produced in its wake an opportunity to reap the American Dream, by wagering on NFL games… I’m here in this waterside town, south of Sin City and away from the masses, waiting for kickoff to delve into some spliff-smoking, acid-dropping and glue-sniffing, as I put my 61% mark against the spread with these selections.
FAVORITE: By halftime of Bills at Miami the Dolphins logos will be talking to the Buffaloes reiterating how their intelligence and swift aquatic movement supersede the opponent’s thundering, barreling nature. Thaddeus was one of Jesus’ twelve apostles and if Bills QB Thaddeus Lewis finds himself as one of a dozen on the field at any one time, the scenario results in a five yard penalty for t00 many holy men on the field played and only helps our cause. Lewis played better than expected against a good Cincy defense but was nicked up a bit in last week’s game and faces a South Beach bunch coming off a bye and a loss heading into being idle. Add it all up and things don’t bode well for the Bills. MIAMI -6 1/2
UNDERDOG: Football teams playing on emotion can be a scary bunch of mothers to face and those getting a handful of points are even more dangerous. Defensive Coordinator Wade Phillips’ father Bum died yesterday (here’s hoping some MTM pundit does him justice), Matt Schaub’s injury brought indignant applause from the home crowd, and Case Keenum has to be stoked about his opportunity behind center today. There’s too much motivation in the Houston locker room to ignore. The Chiefs have been riding high as one of the NFL’s unbeaten teams and are ripe for a loss, too. Luv ya, Blue. HOUSTON +6 1/2.
OVER: Today’s societal excess would draw the ire of Hunter S. Thompson and if a football fan were he, pinball-like offenses aided by rules defying defensive effort would do much the same. Cats know how to have fun with a ball and even though a football isn’t round, big cats like Lions and Bengals can have at least three hours of enjoyment running up and down the field. These two teams are very similar on offense and the defenses take cat naps in failing to keep up to speed. CIN/DET OVER 46 1/2.
UNDER: It just seems like one game sticks out among the rest as a game you can call a stinker from a scoring perspective. Whether they’ll be baking sourdough bread in San Fran or country biscuits in Tennessee the 4:00 start helps the 49ers time travel but not enough to keep this match more exciting than baking. Lots of FG’s and very few TD’s–Jake Locker or his understudy could be in for a long day. SF/TENN UNDER 40 1/2.
Dangerous D.J. Eberle, demain…