EL BARRIO, LA BRONX – I don’t talk about my wife much because I try to be a private person. However, the newly minted Mrs. Blaber is full of hysterical one-liners. Keeping these “zingers” under wraps just isn’t fair to anyone.
Many of her funny comments are about the sports I love, and many occur while I’m watching the games. You see, the lovely Mrs. Blaber has no fondness for sports and is even confused by what the point of it all is. “I don’t understand why you always get worked up like this every year; and then they break your heart in the end.” I reminded her she only has this viewpoint because she is from Buffalo.
What my bride can’t grasp is that the suffering is what defines “fan-hood,” and maybe “manhood.” I’ve long felt like bonding with your buddies over another lousy agonizing season brings you closer than celebrating a championship with them. (though that will get tested next week by the Mets)
While I watched a Manchester United soccer game, she asked me “what is that annoying noise the TV is making?” That “noise” was the fans cheering and singing. She hasn’t spent much time watching soccer-or any sport.
This exchange was my favorite so far. Last Wednesday evening, the Mets held an early lead in Game 4 of their NLCS series against the Cubs. Feeling confident I said, “sure-go ahead, we can watch whatever.” An hour later, my brother Mateo posted “YES!!” on Facebook-“The Mets are in the World Series!” And since Jackie, like most women, spends the majority of her time on Facebook, Buzzfeed, Jezebel and the like, I wasn’t surprised that she noticed my brother’s post.
Jackie Blaber: The Mets are in the World Series !?!
Jackie: The real World Series?!
Jackie: Not some fake after the season like thing, the real thing!?!
Me: You’re thinking of the World Baseball Classic but yes-the Mets are in the real World Series.
Jackie: The same one that the Yankees go to all the time!?!
Me: Yes babe! That one!!
Jackie: Oh! Congrats then!!
Me: Yeah thanks, you’re unbelievable.
Still not fully convinced…
Jackie: I thought the post-season was like the pre-season and didn’t really count.
Me: The post-season is another word for the playoffs.
Jackie: So why do they use both terms?
Me: I don’t know babes, but if you hear “post-season” then think playoffs. Baseball is the only sport that refers to it as the “post-season so much.” But did you think I was so excited over games that didn’t matter?
Jackie: Well yes, but I don’t understand why one game means more than another. So what’s the point of the season?
Me: The season decides who gets to play in the playoffs.
Jackie: But they play so many games?
Me: Yes it is a best of 5 and then a best of 7. So in the first round-the Division playoffs, the first team to win 3 out of 5 games wins advances, and the second-the league championship series, sees the first to win 4 out of 7 advance even further.
Jackie: And are you guys champions?
Me: No this means the Mets are in baseball’s Superbowl. Only they have to win 4 games to be the Champs.
Jackie: Oh! So there is time for them to still disappoint you like the Bills?
Me: (Sigh!!) Yes babe, yes there is.
Thanks for taking this trip into the hilarity found in the House of Blaber. I think you’ll be hearing more about my new bride. I hope you enjoyed and come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin!!