BLOOMINGBURG, NY – Okay, this is getting personal now. The #Coronavirus has interrupted the 2019-20 hockey season, a campaign that has my first-love Boston Bruins atop the overall NHL standings. The President’s Trophy is usually a curse comes playoff time and while the B’s have been the model of consistency to this point the Eastern Conference is extremely competitive with other teams boasting better forward lines top to bottom but lack the defense and goal-tending of the Bruins. It’s the lack of scoring depth that can get you bounced in the first round if you’re not careful. I could analyze hockey all day but this post is more about what I’m facing in hockey’s absence. What to do?
Hockey is on nightly at my house or at the bar. I don’t watch sitcoms or reality television. It’s strictly hockey or movies from puck drop in early October to the hoisting of the Stanley Cup in mid June. Whether it’s the three local teams or NBCSN’s coverage or NHL Network games, the best sport ever is always on in the house. This outbreak of cooties is effecting my hockey life and leaves a tremendous void. I’ll cook more because I like to eat even if it’s infinitely slower than the days where I could polish off the Zuppa di Pesce at The Pine Tavern all by myself. There was also the time a Rhode Island waitress bet me a quarter I couldn’t finish a colossal plate of spaghetti with meatballs and sausage. She lost! Truly missing my calling as a competitive eater, it’s easy to see how I once tipped the scales at 286 pounds. I made a gravy yesterday. It’s gravy because it’s simmering low and slow for a couple of hours. Anything less than a cooking time of ninety minutes is a sauce and has a thinner consistency. Your gravy is the key to Italian cuisine; a great one is the basis of yesterday’s chicken parm, tomorrow’s eggplant parm, and a third meal of pasta with hot sausage. There’s baby back ribs in the freezer waiting for a dry rub to permeate the meat over a 24-hour marinade. Corned beef and cabbage sit patiently for a slow cooker bath of Guinness. This NHL stoppage could see me gain weight but I really want my hockey back even if I could use an extra pound or three.
I’ll read more. Listen to music, too. Probably watch a little more porn. Making matters worse are my back problems. Heating pad, analgesic applications, legs raised while laying on the couch, muscle relaxers and such have me jonesing for something, anything, to watch on television. I popped the 2011 Stanley Cup video in on Friday for my hockey fix. There’s Slapshot and Goon for further withdrawal. I’m really at a loss for what to do in hockey’s disappearance. I’m open to suggestions people so leave a comment for me. I’m down to two rolls of toilet paper but have three containers of those disinfecting wipes and three bars of soap, so I should be cootie-free. Gotta go wash my hands.
Speaking of washing his hands, come back tomorrow for Junoir Blaber… See ya.