*NOTE: Cam’s use of the word “torpedo” stems from MTM Censors swapping that word in for words he’s attempted to use in the past that may or may not have been construed as vulgar.
DENVER, CO – A deal isn’t done until the ink is dry. It might be a big deal. It might take a great deal of effort. At the end it’s a done deal even if you get a raw deal. There is no such thing as a square deal. You can be dealt in, dealt on, and dealt dirty. If you think of something a great deal, you might seal the deal but it surely won’t be a sweetheart deal unless you wheel and deal. Deals are all that keep the sports mind going in the dregs of February. Wentz, Goff, and Stafford made for some fun NFL Deal Appetizers but the best is yet to come. So here is my best effort at harassing you all with a “this for that” recurring, yet denied, segment I call, Quid Pro Cuomo.
Strip Poker. That is what the Jets, Dolphins, 49ers, Panthers and Broncos are playing with the Texans. The Texans, woefully embarrassed by a litany of front office failures, come to the irreverent table already in their birthday suit. Not so well hidden by the birthday suit is the biggest torpedo on the market, Deshaun Watson. The J-E-T-S are looking to replace their large but impotent torpedo. The Dolphins have an average torpedo that their wife tells them is okay, but secretly, she isn’t thrilled. The 49ers want a torpedo that their fan base can get in front of and behind. The Panthers torpedo needs a little blue pill to put on his little blue uniform and that won’t cut it in a young man sport. The Broncos torpedo goes off way too soon leaving everyone unfulfilled. So what’s the going price for a top notch torpedo these days? How much is the winner going to have to take off to win strip poker? So far it looks as if the price is going to be two first round picks and a couple later round picks and a weak torpedo. My best guess is the Dolphins win. In a swap Tua and picks for Watson the Texans will get a near functional torpedo with some picks to draft toys to spice up the city of Houston’s living rooms. Brian Flores seemed to have been backed into a corner this season with Tua and it felt like he didn’t want him. Now is his chance. If that doesn’t happen I think it gets really really weird. Like when you casually mention a strip poker game to someone and they bring an unwanted friend like Mitch Trubisky. Are the Bears playing? No they don’t want any extra torpedoes. They just sent Trubisky to mix things up and maybe land in a three way trade where the Bears get picks to draft a torpedo and Mitch Trubisky magically ends up playing for an NFC rival.
Unwanted Kissing. Have you ever grabbed your wares, headed for the door to leave for the day then all of a sudden your superior prevents you from doing so, makes it all weird then you feel stuck for life? That probably wasn’t the feeling Fernando Tatis Jr. had when he signed his contract. That is the feeling that Dak Prescott is going to have after he gets franchise tagged again. Then next year after a subpar year or maybe even another injury he will get his long term deal. He will sign it and forever regret going along with the Jerry Jones show when he had a chance to speak up.
Abusive Phone Calls. For those who haven’t seen yet, Aaron Rodgers is engaged to Shailene Woodley.Right now as you read she has Aaron making some abusive phone calls to his agent. Aaron is probably threatening to end his agents career if he can’t get him out of his contract. What woman wants to settle down with her man in Green Bay? Mark my words, those abusive phone calls will bear fruit when Aaron packs his bags and goes west to play for the 49ers.
Stay tuned for some Cuomore quid pro Cuomos, assuming the MTM Edit Department keeps making their abusive phone calls.