NEW YORK, NY – The move to our new MTM HQ is mostly complete! What’s that? You don’t give two spits and just want to read something about sports? Okay, you cold, cruel dirty names… Here are today’s herbs to put in your pipe and smoke: Mike Conley, Babe “Shohei Ohtani” Ruth, Washington Cuts Smith Funding.
14 years is a long time to do something. It’s an extraordinary accomplishment if you do it in a professional sport, particularly in the #NBA. Michael Alex Conley Jr. has done just that. He’s survived by being a very good basketball player for a very long time. But guess what, he’s never been a facking NBA All-Star. Well he is now. And yours truly is happy for him because the odds of him lasting this long in the league, what with the alleys outside NBA arenas being littered with the skeleton frames of burned out
Chevrolets point guards. The 4th overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft and All-Time Leading Scorer for the Grizzlies, finally gets some recognition. Kudos to you and your agent/Dad, Mike Sr., who won Olympic gold and silver in Track & Field. All I ask for this salute is that you send a check. Come on, you guys can afford it.
Babe “Shohei Ohtani” Ruth
George Herman Ruth was, as well all know, a tremendous hitter. What some of you youngins might not know is that he was also a great pitcher. (Your age is NOT an excuse for you not knowing that, by the way. It’s not like those of us that do were alive when The Babe played). There have been very few players that can boast both talents. Enter Shohei Ohtani. Or is it Ohtani Shohei?
Irregardless Regardless, this Japanese swinger [ahem] isn’t just another big stick. He can flat out unleash it when it comes to rubber and a mound. (Yes, we’re going Benny Hill here, folks). Anywho, after nursing an arm injury, the wunderkind will be trying to replicate his 2018 season, one in which he electrified crows with his prodigious homers and scintillating fastballs. Indeed, he hit 100MPH on the hill yesterday. You don’t want to be too far up in the box when balls are whizzing by your chin. Just sayin’… #Shotime
Washington Cuts Smith Funding
Funding for The Alex Smith Program has been cut, reportedly making anti-Smith lobbyist Big Ben Whitney very happy. But what am I missing here? The guy’s story is the best to come out of the NFL in, well, ever and there is gargantuan dearth of decent QBs in the league. He went 5-1 with zero established offensive weapons for a beleaguered franchise perennially searching for a solid signal-caller. All of this considered, $24,000,000.00 is too much? Sure, when you type it out is looks like an impossible amount of money to the rest of us but in National Football League dollars for capable QBs, it’s but a wee bit of wampum. WTF, WFT? Decisions like these are why you suck.
Speaking of WTF, please come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin and his latest excuses re the Boston Bruins. But first, leave your thoughts below and share our sacred site with your friends and family.
#MikeConley #ShoheiOhtani #AlexSmith #MeetTheMatts #MLB #Google