UPPER WEST SIDE – We moved to this part of NYC on March 1, with COVID protocols pretty much in full effect. The weather was cold, wet and dreary, so we didn’t fully understand what we had lucked into, nor did we realize just how sh!tty our previous neighborhood was. In this last fortnight, however, with blooming trees and vaccines turning zombies into humans, we now feel like we’re staying at a B&B in some cool European town. And the people are different. They are friendlier than those on 37th & 10th – the Hell’s Pantry to Hell’s Kitchen. There are two parks, kids and dogs aplenty up here, too. And more sports merch on the odd passerby. What’s also obvious, however, is the significant number of golf types in this hood… which I’m noticing, oddly enough, as the NHL Playoffs take center stage in a very busy sports world. Thus, today’s headline and topics: Happy Gilmour Deux: Handbags At Dawn… Starring Brooks Koepka and Bryson DeChambeau.
Happy Gilmour Deux: Starring Brooks Koepka & Bryson DeChambeau
Full disclosure, I think golf is bowling on grass. Or darts outside of the pub. It. Is. Not. A. Sport. Why can someone scream expletives about Bryce Harper’s mom, and take flash photos of him as he tries to hit a 96 aspirin-sized rock, yet we can’t make a peep when a guy is hitting a stationery object? One theory that I have taken a long hard look at is that golfers are p*ssies. It does make sense. But I think many of them are douches, too. Tiger’s a douche. Phil’s a bit of a douche. Jack has been douchey with some of his controversial statements recently. The most recent golf douche to my eyebrow is Brooks Koepka. Watch this:
The backstory is that fans were trying to annoy Bryson DeChambeau (isn’t he on the Winnipeg Jets?) at The Memorial Tournament (founded by douchey Jack) but chanting “Brooksie!” at him. Thin-skinned Bryson [allegedly] had security remove those heinously vile cretins. That makes him a p*ssy and a douche. But “Brooksie” is also a p*ssy douche for:
A) Using innuendo in his douchey attempt at being naughty
B) Trying to be cool with a Michelob Ultra is really douchey. (If they sponsored Meet The Matts they’d be cool, though). Offering a Zima to anyone that burps in line for a play is cooler – and that’s stiff not cool. Anyway, in rugby we have an expression when two backs start slap-fighting: “Handbags at Dawn,” we call it.
Sounds like we have the sequel script for Happy Gilmour Deux: Handbags At Dawn… one of the three good movies Adam Sandler has made. Hopefully Bry and Brooksie can work together on the set after sharing an Ultra.
Speaking of Ultras, come back tomorrow for our Bob Barker, the one and only Cheesy Bruin. But first watch this new show that’s being hailed as”… a rollicking rugby ride of laughter, barbs & [possible] money-making picks. The Wooden Spoon is brilliant!”