NEW YORK, NY – Happy Wednesday! Boy, there’s something you never hear. Like last Sunday, when I heard someone say “Jets win!” For a second it sounded like some undiscovered ancient language. Anyway, here we are once again, another “Day After Election Day.” In New York City we had a big contest to see who would replace 9-foot, air-powered, flailing-armed gas station mascot Bill de Blasio as our next inept Mayor. The two main candidates for the job, offered Gothamites two clear and different options. Basically, it was like choosing between the political equivalent of gout or kidney stones. I chose gout. Let’s just move on. What’s happening in sports?
NFL Trade Deadline. Another thrilling NFL trading deadline has come and gone. I guess the biggest move would be the Los Angeles Rams acquiring Von Miller from John Elway’s antiques hutch for their second and third round draft picks next year. I’m sure Miller will help the Rams, but what were they thinking giving up that much for a guy whose first sack came against Slingin’ Sammy Baugh? Okay, he’s not THAT old… but still. Given that they seemingly have no draft picks until 2031, I’m guessing the Rams are “all in.” I’ll say this, it takes some stones to put all your eggs in one basket, and then have Matt Stafford sit on that basket. Good luck. I was hoping my Vikings‘ trade package of Kirk Cousins and Coach Mike Zimmer for some leftover Halloween candy would work out, but no one bit.
*Breaking* Bill de Blasio Running for Mets GM. At this point the soon-to-be-former Gracie Mansion Golem is running for everything. He should run for dog catcher because, like everyone else, the dogs hate him too. If elected Mets GM, de Blasio’s reported first order of business will be to strip Mrs. Met of all baseball responsibilities and name his wife, Chirlane McCray, “First Lady of the Mets.”
January 9th, Save the Date! This is the time of year when I always like to celebrate abandoning my New York Football Giants season tickets on the side of the road, the way Short Matt should abandon his sh!tbox deathtrap of a car. As we all know, the Giants aren’t going anywhere this year, again. But, what you may not know is that they close out their season January 9th at home against Washington. Oof! You know who’s going to want to go to that game? No one. Yessir folks, you may as well a light a cigar with those worthless ducats on New Year’s Eve. Hundreds of dollars well spent on something you can’t even give away.
The World Series. Game 6 of the World Series was on as I wrapped this up. I kinda hoped the Braves would wrap things up as well. (They did). I could almost hear the old Knute Rockne pregame pep talk: “Do it for all those bums who didn’t! Do it for Rowland Office! Do it for Mike Lum!” Baseball needed to be over.
Alrighty, I’m done for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who I hope can explain how his Eagles scored 44 frogging points last Sunday without DeVonta Smith doing jack. Cripes!