Angry Ward Wednesday: Igoraphobia, Yankee’s Depression and Hitless in Seattle

NEW YORK, NY – Before I get into today’s what-have-you, I’d like to get a little housekeeping out of the way first. If you’re coming here expecting a recap and/or commentary on last night’s NBA or NHL playoff games or any of yesterday’s Major League Baseball slate, I’d like to direct you to either ESPN’s or Sports Illustrated’s dot com outposts. They should have you covered. I’ve been working for this non-profit way too long to be staying up late and filing a 500-word piece after all the games have been played. And, since I’m also a non-prophet, I’m not going to sit here on a Tuesday and predict tonight’s outcomes.

Now that I got that out of the way, there’s plenty of non-time-sensitive stuff to bandy about, to wit…

Young Shesterkin. I’m not sure what’s going on with New York Rangers goalie Igor Shesterkin, other than perhaps he had a limit to the number of pucks he could possibly keep out of his own net, and used it all up in the first two games of the series. What I DO know, however, is that Penguins fans are missing a real opportunity by taunting him with chants of “Igor!, Igor!, Igor!,” rather than “Eyegor!, Eyegor!, Eyegor!” What, they never showed Mel Brooks movies in Western Pennsylvania? Get with it, Yinzers.

Bronx Bummer. I do not recommend tying your sports-related happiness into another team’s misfortunes, especially when that team is the New York Yankees. When the Bombers were 6-6 and losing series to the likes of Baltimore, it was nothing but smiles and sunshine in WardyWorld. Their recent 14-2 run has left me as gloomy and bitter as that lousy stretch of weather we went through last week. I’m much more cheerful when Aaron Boone is spewing “Another tough loss. Gotta keep trying.” platitudes during postgame pressers and Yanks fans are tearing their hair out live on sports radio. It’s a long summer, I hope we get at least a taste of that again… though not holding my breath.

JG Clancy

Mets vs. Mariners Alert! Going with my big brother to watch my two favorite baseball teams play each other this coming Sunday.

Mariners come first with me but, the way they’ve been playing, I don’t think they’ll present too much of a problem for the Metropolitans. They’ve been hitting so poorly that I wouldn’t be shocked if they get no-hit in one of these games. Remember, you heard it here first from the non-prophet. Anyway, at least JG Clancy’s lousy A’s are nice and cozy in the AL West basement for the time being.

Finally, as a Warriors fan, this bit on The Onion killed me.

That’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz or Barry Trotz or whoever else Short Matt decides to roll out.

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About Angry Ward 672 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.