BRONX, NY – Oh, that Ohtani! What a glorious day today is! The Mets didn’t lose last night and Showman Shohei (TM), sucked the life out of the Yankees. All that’s left to make this a Top 10 All-Time Great Day is for yours deservedly winning that blasted Power Ball! Just this one time. I’m not greedy. Speaking of greedy, let’s get to what’s shakin’ in sports: Istela Nunes, Ohtani Gets Traded, Johnny Bench Catching Heat
Istela Nunes
Istela Nunes won’t be pitching for the NY Mets – or any team, for that matter – for the foreseeable future. Granted, Nunes doesn’t pitch (that we know of) to begin with, as she earns her keep by punching, kicking and elbowing people in the face. Wait, scratch that last one off her arsenal list after this minor setback vs Russia’s Victoria Dudakova in a… wait for it… strawweight division battle.
Wishing @IstelaNunesMMA a speedy recovery. ??#UFC #UFCFightNight #IstelaNunes pic.twitter.com/qUhqSLjk35
— ?????. (@bcraw902) July 16, 2023
Maybe Nunes is not suited for battling strawweights. Perhaps she’d be better served going down to the pipe-cleaner or tooth-pick division…[Ba Doom Cha] I’m here all week, folks.
Ohtani Gets Traded
This click-bait headline just keeps suckering baseball junkies in, over and over. Hey, you’re reading it! You’re not alone. I got suckered last night via a text from WWE Hall of Famer John Bradshaw Layfield (who I work with on The Rugby Odds), saying the Phuckin’ Phils got him. Turns out he was just f”n with me, so I wanted to play that douche move forward today. But while we’re here, let’s talk about this Ohtani thingy. The alleged haul it would take to rent him for the remainder of the season has to be rapidly diminishing, as the MLB Trade Deadline quickly approaches. Angels‘ owner Arte Moreno needs to get SOMETHING for Baseball’s Jesus, right? Otherwise he’s just a wealthy dope. And about that MLR Trade Deadline, two things that suck about its August 1 timeline for many fans:
1) Your team is a Seller (looking at you, Mets’ fans)
2) Summer is basically over.
Someone else all this sucks for? Mike Trout. He’s the modern day Ernie Banks. Google him. He was a great player that languished on bad Cubs’ teams just forever.
Johnny Bench Catching Heat
Johnny Bench is one of the top 3 catchers of all-time. He could hit, hit for power and handle some of the best pitchers and flame-throwers to ever grace the game. And he’s catching some heat again. (Let that one sit for a minute).
At he team’s Hall of Fame induction news conference honoring the late Gabe Paul, Pete Rose and bunch of fellow Cincinnati greats were sharing stories on a small stage. Rose told of how Paul signed him for $400 per month out of high school. Someone in the room exclaimed, “That’s cheap!” Bench, 75, followed that up with, “He was Jewish!” [Cue record scratch sound effect]. And now the backlash.
All things considered, the guy did don the “the tools of ignorance” every day of his working life, folks. Just sayin’…
Tip your waiters, don’t eat the fish and feel free to leave your comments below.
