BRONX, NY – So, I went to see the New York Philharmonic in Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx last night and, you know what, they played great and played like a team. It’s funny how things kinda go well when the brass section isn’t complaining about having to sit it out during the cello concerto. Sometimes the flutes are wailing and sometimes they are picking and rolling to the woodwinds. What I’m saying is, athletes, who often want to be musicians, can maybe take a look at how it’s done. Here are some shows I’ve been to, and the teams/events/towns that remind me of them.
The Clash. No one. No team even close. Eff off.
America. I saw these dudes play in Minneapolis before the Vikings got eliminated by the goddamn Falcons in 1998. So these guys are the Falcons. Also, f**k them. Who names a band “America,” fer crissakes? Finally, “A Horse With No Name” is in the conversation for most depressing song ever.
The Allman Brothers. I hate to say it, but it’s the Chicago Cubs. Go see a game at Wrigley. It’s nothing but blue skies and sweet Melissas.
Stevie Ray Vaughan. The Mariners. I can’t help it. Loved Stevie Ray and I love the Seattle Mariners. The first song of his that got me hooked was “Couldn’t Stand the Weather,“ and isn’t that Seattle in a nutshell?
The Who. The Mets. I can’t explain. Well, actually, I can. C’mon… “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” “No one knows what it’s like” to be a Mets fan.
ZZ Top. First show I ever attended. At MSG, back in the day. A hair-metal band named Bon Jovi opened and got booed off the stage. Anyway, ZZ Top = Beards. So, let’s just call them “Playoff Hockey.”
Cab Calloway. Yes, I did see Cab Calloway at NYC’s Town Hall back when I was in grade school. My Dad was his friend and occasional press agent. Cab was a high-energy guy. At this point, most people remember him from his role in “The Blues Brothers,” which came out during the greatest summer ever for for motion picture comedies (1980). I won’t equate Cab to any team because he loved playing the ponies. So, even though horse racing isn’t near what it used to be (the Belmont Stakes at Saratoga?), Cab gets a win-place-and-show winner for old time’s sake.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Let’s just give this to the entire city of Buffalo, a heartbreak sports town if ever there was one.
Annie Lennox. Man, oh, man. I saw Annie Lennox play in New York’s Central Park like a million years ago. She was amazing. I went in with zero expectations and was pretty much blown away. It wasn’t quite the “Miracle on Ice,” but I can’t think of anything better.
Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers. This was the actual lineup during the Chili Peppers’ “Blood Sugar Sex Magic” tour stop at the late great Roseland Ballroom back in the day. Maybe not quite Ali and Frazier’s “Thrilla in Manila” but I still like to remind people that I was there to see it.
I’ve been wracking my brain to come up with a show I saw that was as bad as James Dolan and Donald Trump at Knicks/Spurs Game 3, but I honestly can’t. So, mission accomplished, I suppose.
Come back tomorrow for Miami Sound Machine superfan Buddy Diaz.
