Grotes Gripes: Bosox New Valentine? Why Bobby V Makes Sense

What Bobby Says To Yanks

CHIBA LOTTE, JAPAN – New Red Sox GM Ben Cherington can do himself a big favor today and officially hire Bobby Valentine. The word on the street is the race is down to Bobby V and Gene Lamont.  To me the choice is a no-brainer.  Here is why:

Does More With Less: The Mets won the pennant in 2000 with an outfield consisting of Benny Agbayani, Jay Payton and Derek Bell/Timo Perez. Add in Armando Benitez as the closer and you get my drift.  The Red Sox problem isn’t that they have less, it’s that they get less out of what they have.  I’m sure the Sox farm system has at least one overweight Hawaiian he can plug into the line-up.

Benny More Where He Came From

Walks the Walk: Yes, Bobby can be controversial, but a big ego at the helm is exactly what this Red Sox team needs. Terry Francona lost control of his clubhouse and allowed the players to run the show. Red Sox pitchers were drinking beer during games because Tito had become a buddy of theirs. With Bobby V in charge there will be no chance of that, since most players will realize he is nuts. He’d probably urinate in a few beers and screw the caps back on just to get inside the players heads. He’d certainly straighten some of their lazy asses out.  At the first sign of loafing, he’ll have J.D. Drew washing jock straps in a bucket at the end of the bench and Big Papi picking up sunflower seed shells from the dugout floor.

Short Matt’s Impressions: Short Matt is to Bobby Valentine what Tina Fey is to Sarah Palin.  Lord knows he needs some extra income, so it would be a nice side business for him to impersonate Bobby V at weddings and bar mitzvahs up in New England.

Short Matt Would Own This Crowd

He Hates The Yankees: The number one quality the Red Sox need in a manager is an ingrained hatred for the Yankees.  After serving most of seven seasons as Mets manager he certainly qualifies.  I’m certain he despises many folks in the Yankee organization who stood up for Clemens when he was trying to decapitate Mike Piazza on multiple occasions.  A few conveniently wild one-hundred mile per hour Daniel Bard fastballs will help settle some old scores.

Proven Winner: When he took over in Flushing at the end of ’96, the Mets were finishing up their 6th consecutive losing season. The most wins they had in a season during that span was 77 back in ’91. Bobby proceeded to lead the Mets to 5 winning seasons in a row averaging 90 wins/year.  Since then he has won the Japan World Series with the Chiba Lotte Marines and gotten Joe Morgan out of the ESPN announcing booth.  In my book the latter qualifies him for the Hall Of Fame.

The Competition: Gene Lamont.  Need I say any more?

Stay tuned tomorrow for Angry Ward, a man who has no competition on this site.

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