Angry Ward Wednesday: Truths and Consequences

NEW YORK, NY – Strike’s over. I didn’t really get any major concessions, but management did agree to stop calling me, which is huge. The truth of the matter is that’s all I really wanted anyway. Sticking on the topic of truth, I’m feeling brutally honest today. Here’s a list of truths I hold to be self-evident and their potential consequences.

Please make it stop.

Truth: The Yankees may win the World Series this year. It’s hard to say this but is any team in the league so strong that you can’t see New York potentially beating them? The Nats and Reds look tough in the NL but neither is post-season tested. Consequence: For Yankee-haters such as myself, Bomber championships come with a host of side effects ranging from mild ennui to full-on projectile vomiting. For Yankees fans, this would mean that scores of guidos from Staten Island will have to trade in their “We Got 27 Rings” shirts for “We Got 28 Rings” tees, which would mentally tax the employees at Modells.

Truth: The Yankees may lose in the first round of the playoffs this year. Oh yeah, this is a very real proposition as well. It’s been covered here before, the team relies too much on the long ball, lots of veterans have nagging injuries they’ve been battling all year, no Mariano, etc. Yanks could indeed be one and done. Consequence: None. If Big Stein were still alive, a first round exit would mean Girardi being fired, Teixeira absolutely eviscerated in the press, and Alex Rodriguez found in a quarry with a knife in his eye. But this team is run by lawyers and various other suits who are more preoccupied with brand and profits than, y’know, actual baseball. So, either way, it will be business as usual.

No caption required

Truth: Tony Romo sucks. Sure his teammates have to take their fair share of the blame (Dez Bryant, I’m lookin’ at you), but five picks against the Bears Monday night? At home? I know he’s had some good games here and there, including the season-opener in New York, but has the guy ever won anything when it counted? His most memorable moments have been turnovers.  He’s like Brett Favre without the hardware. You’d think after dating Jessica Simpson, he’d at least be a little bit better at handling footballs. Consequence: Dave Grohl is his current backup so his starting job appears safe. What’s not safe is the notion of Dallas making the playoffs with TR at QB.

Truth: R.A. Dickey will win the NL Cy Young award. He went for his 21st win of the season last night. Heath Bell got him off the hook, coughing up two runs in the 8th. But even if Gio Gonzalez gets his 22nd, I still think R.A. should win it. Dickey has just been a phenomenal story all season long, he remained Cinderella even after the rest of the Mets turned into a pumpkin after the All-Star break. Win totals aside, he’ll end the season with more strikeouts, more complete games, more shutouts, fewer losses, and a whole lot more innings pitched than Gonzalez.

First knuckleballer to win 20 in over 30 years. That’s gotta count for something.

Barring a truly awful final outing, he will also probably have a lower era as well. And he’ll have done it all on a much inferior team. Consequence: Dickey is 37-years-old and a knuckleball pitcher, so this is probably his best and last chance to win the Cy. The good news is, someone should eventually pay him a decent amount of money based on this season. The bad news is, I can see the Mets finding a way to low-ball one of their most popular and productive players right out the door.

The truth is, this column’s done. Cam James will have to face the consequences if he doesn’t turn their posts in on time for tomorrow.

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About Angry Ward 751 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.