Grote’s Gripes: “How Am I Doing?” Sports Eulogy For Our Mayor Koch

Mets in 1st? Must be a really old paper.
Mets in 1st? Must be a really old paper.

NEW YORK, NY – The Super Bowl is now behind us.  Thank goodness, the Ravens held on to defeat the Whiners.  I couldn’t take an off season of hearing about the 49ers pulling off the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history.  The blackout again proved that New Orleans is really our nation’s version of a third world country.  Some 49er voodoo must’ve been the culprit.  It’s too bad The Public Professor is retiring because I’d love to get his report from the parade in Bodymore.

New York City used to have murder rates that resembled the current Baltimore numbers.  The mayor for much of that period was Bronx-born Ed Koch.  Koch died last Friday here in New York and it truly was the death of a legend.  Koch recently met St. Peter and asked him, “How am I doing?” to which St. Peter replied “Not too good Mayor, you’re dead.

During his 12-year tenure, New York saw it’s share of success in the sports world.  So, as a Sports Eulogy For Our Mayor Koch, I give you the Champions of the Year for every one of Koch’s years in office.

1978 – The New York Yankees won their second consecutive championship while Koch was in his first year in office.  Mickey Rivers stole more TV’s in the ’77 blackout then the 25 bases he stole in 1978.

Up Yours, Bjorn

1979 – The New York Rangers made the Stanley Cup Finals only to lose to Montreal.  Chants of “1940” would continue until the Giuliani administration.

1980 – The New York Islanders won their first of four straight Stanley Cups.  Technically, the city has two boroughs on Long Island, so we can consider them somewhat related to NYC – kinda how monkeys are related to humans.

1981 – Queens native John McEnroe wins is first Wimbledon title on the fourth of July.  He also wins the U.S. Open that year beating Bjorn Borg in both finals.  When Koch asks him “How am I doing?” McEnroe yells back “You cannot be serious, this city is a cesspool!

1982 – The New York Cosmos win their last of five North American Soccer League championships.  Shep Messing and Co. snort more coke at Studio 54 then any other sports team in history.

Ozone & Turbo coulda put Met over top in ’84.

1983 – The New York Islanders win their last of four straight Stanley Cups.  Technically Denis Potvin beat his wife in Manhattan, so we can consider them somewhat related to NYC – kinda how Phillie fans are related to humans.

1984 – Brooklyn’s Mark Breland wins gold at the Los Angeles Olympics.  He was last seen pulling a Three-card Monte hustle outside the Grand Army Plaza subway station.

1985 – The St. John’s Redmen make college basketball’s Final 4 before losing to Georgetown.  Chris Mullin finds his car on cinder-blocks upon his return to campus.

1986 –The New York Mets win the World Series.  (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!)

Back when being a Met fan was cool.

1987 – Brooklyn’s Mike Tyson wins the WBA and IBF titles to go along with his WBC Heavyweight belt.  Mitch “Blood” Green pines for a rematch while squeegeeing car windshields on 128th and Lennox Avenue.

1988 – The Columbia Lions snap the nation’s longest football losing streak at 44 games, with a victory over Princeton.

Oh, who owns NY?
Oh, who owns NY?
Oh who owns NY the people say.
Why we own NY!
Why we own NY!

1989 – David Dinkins defeats Mayor Koch.  Who am I kidding, the entire city was a loser that year for giving us four years of Dinkins.

Stayed tuned tomorrow for a real New Yorker, Angry Ward or Angeleno West Coast Craig.

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About Kevin McGrory 11 Articles
Grote2DMax (aka Kevin McGrory) is another of our Bronx-raised, urban white trash writers. Having grown up with Angry Ward, Cheesy Bruin, The Public Professor, JG Clancy (Mattville's Otis of Mayberry) and Tall Matt. What's really odd about him, however, is that he and Tall Matt both liked the NFL Rams and MLB Mets?! Bouncing twin boys, Matt & Matt, have forced him to hang up his keyboard to keep his lovely bride from socking him - and us - in the nose... but he still tosses a gem every now and then and can be seen on Twitter - @Grote2DMax. We're luck to have him.