“I’d rather light a candle than curse the darkness.”
SILVER LAKE, CA – Sorry, folks, I’ve been on here about as frequently of late as Sofia Vergara, but the new Machete Kills poster has filled me with fight…a Mexico-Canada kind of fight! That and that incessant sound of knives sharpening, unconstrained giggling, of drool splatting the floor, all in anticipation of this season’s certain Yankee demise. Last Thursday’s Yankee Preview by Cam James (a Cardinals fan), nailed the reasons why this version of the Bombers could be the worst in nearly a quarter century and having lived through those late eighties-early nineties years, I certainly can’t argue with his points. Those times left a stain on my soul the way Mel Hall’s Jheri Curl does on the back of his prison cell pillow. And say what you will about this year’s team but there’s nobody there – not even A-Rod – who comes close to the reprehensibility of Mel Hall.
Anyway… for 17 years they’ve never won fewer than 87 games but the sharps in Vegas put the over-under this year at 86, a half-game back of the Rays and three behind the Blue Jays at 89. 86 may be generous, at least it’s still over .500. That, and I watched a spring training game on MLB.TV with my Uncle Barry, a lifelong Yankee fan now in his 70s, and he said “I’ve never seen a Yankee team this bad.” Of course, he says this every year but he did live through those late sixties CBS teams. Still, I’d rather light a candle than curse the darkness, so I’m going to look for the bright spots.
Joba’s mustache: It looks like a Dirty Sanchez gone wrong. I knew guys in shop class who had better but I applaud the effort. More importantly, it’ll play well in Kansas City when he signs there as a free agent starter next year.
The Walking Dead: The litany of injuries is well-documented. Alex Rodriguez’s career may be over, with his steroid depleted body soon to become more machine than man to stay together. Mark Texiera sprained his forearm hitting off a tee (and Team USA was upgraded by replacing him with Eric Hosmer). Brian Cashman turned his ankle skydiving, for crying out loud. And now one of their prospects, Adonis Garcia, has broken his wrist. What do we take from all this? That the Yankees have a prospect named Adonis Garcia, who has now surpassed Gary Sanchez for the lead as the farm system’s most awesome name.
Travis Hafner: This guy single handedly won my friend’s fantasy championship a few years back but now he’s a bit of a shell of that player…so he’s cheap, left handed, and bald (just like Short Matt if he was left handed!). This is the kind of player Cashman loves to get, and it worked out well with Raul Ibanez last year. I hate to see Ibanez go but he did look a bit too much like Voldemort.
Mo’s Last Stand: The Greatest Closer In History has announced his retirement pre-emptively. The Yankees could take a “Win It For Mo” stand, but given the fact that they’re not going to score more than one or two runs a game, it’s more likely he’s going to have to win it for them. More likely, the farewell tour and plaques and gifts from all the stadiums they visit this year will be a pleasant distraction from what happens on the field.
Always a pleasant distraction on a Tuesday, Grote2DMax goes tomorrow.