Happy Birthday, America!
ANOTHER FALSE DAWN, NY – Sitting here in my Bronx apt with my New York Metropolitans hat on, reading about their rookie dynamic young pitching combo Matt Harvey and Zack Wheeler. These guys are looking the goods but they need a cool moniker. After all, it’s baseball and there’s a prerequisite for nicknames. Heck, Mariano became Mo and Dwight became Doc, so they need a nickname.
It could be in the vein of 2010, when every C-list celebrity couple had some name mesh-mash. And they are key in sports history, like the Steel Curtain or the No-Name Defense – a nickname for when they couldn’t come up with one! Baseball had Murderer’s Row and Mets fans painfully remember Generation K (if you are a real Mets fan you do). The problem is that there are two of them so you name them individual or go the “Kimye” (Pardon me while I puke!!) route. So with that said what name do we give these two. Here is the rundown.
-MattZack: Short and quick but sounds like the Aflac duck with the hiccups.
–ZackMatt: Sounds as catchy as making a website dedicated to sports comedy and trying to make it sound like “Meet the Mets.”
–Matthew Zackary(s): Sounds like the name of the annoying Christian dudes on the Upper East side of Manhattan that pray while calling you a lost soul who needs to be a better Christian. I can hear Angry Ward yelling, “douche bags” already (and those are his warm-up heckles!)…
–Zackary(s) Matthew: Another name that is way to churchy. Its almost as silly and annoying as calling yourself Preacher Collins.
–Harvey Wheeler: We have a … WINNER!!! Let’s stop here and go in-depth on why!?!
Listen to that name. Don’t you wanna have drinks with Harvey Wheeler?! He sounds like the guy that gets you into the VIP only lounge, just by announcing himself. He is like Sergio from the Smirnoff commercial… Speaking of booze, it can even be a cocktail. Make me a Harvey Wheeler! What’s in it?
2 parts Met fan hope
1 part talent
3 parts potential
4 parts bitter sadness that somehow the Mets will screw this up.
So let’s put our hands together for the new killer combo and superhero moniker “Harvey Wheeler: Strikeout Dealer.”
Before we end this article, can The Matts and Fake Sandy Alderson answer what the over/under number of years is before the two are being traded for potential 5-star prospects that never pan out (Alex Ochoa, anyone!) or an over the hill ace (Jo-dee-lay-he-han!)? Yours truly says 3 years. I also have that in 6 years – or within 3 years after being traded – one or both will have a Cy Young and/or a World Series ring. See, I am a longtime Mets fan; I know better to have hope because its the hope that kills you.
That is it for now, feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for more blabberings from Different Matt, who doesn’t yet know he’s pinch-hitting for a banged-up Cookie’s Corner.
P.s… If you want to read more of my ramblings you can find them on RugbyWrapUp.com look for and “Like” our Facebook Rugby Wrap Up Page and follow us on Twitter @RugbyWrapUp and @JunoirBlaber, respectively. And until the next time… stay low and keep pumping those legs.
