NEW YORK, NY – Here we are… just days away from Thanksgiving. Floats are getting blown, turkeys are getting stuffed and Black Friday tramplefests will be here quicker than you can say tryptophan. And this year, me and my fellow MOT’s (Sam’s-A-Fan, Lori Levine, Fake Sandy… holla!) are getting a very special double-shot (mmm… whiskey) holiday with Hanukkah coming on the heels of Thanksgiving. And I’m taking the chance to kick of the holiday season – gentile style – with my sports and Hanukkah Harry Sports and Celeb Wish List. Here we go:
1) A second, heaping, helping of the Mayor Ford/Chris Farley mash up. The disgraced, fat, crack-smoking Mayor Rob Ford seems to be separated at birth from Farley. Big ups to our very own West Coast Craig for bringing this to my attention. Also, a note of caution that while crack IS wack, you won’t necessarily get skinny from smoking it.
2) NO MAS on the Kanye West/Kim Kardashian business. Isn’t it BAD enough they’ve procreated? Isn’t it EVIL enough that there’s going to be millions spent on ANOTHER Kim Kardashian wedding? Isn’t it INJUSTICE enough that these two are paid OODLES for – uh… I’ don’t know why – while Average Joes like you and me work in the salt mines for our basics? And alas, this week there was a video that Kanye put out that was apparently so horrible and cheesy, that people thought it a spoof. So it INFECTED the intrawebs, blinding people from here to KIMbucktu. No. We won’t be viewing it here.
3) It’d be nice if Robinson Cano stayed a Yankee and Phil Hughes was a Met. I think I’ll be 1 for 2 on those and I’m fine with it as long as it’s Phil “A-Dead-Arm-Is-A-Nice-Way-For-Saying-You-Can’t-Pitch” Hughes is gone. Robbie has some big cojones. sidling up with Jay Z and asking for a ten-year, $300 Million contract. More PATHETIC than that is the Mets thinking they’d have some sort of shot at him. With WHAT?! Wilpon’s Coupons to the outfield Shake Shack ain’t a bonus.
4) In advance of the 2014 Winter Olympics, I make this plea: Enough shots, speculation and talk about Lindsay Vonn and Tiger Woods. It’s bad enough we got media coverage of them on the sidelines at an NFL game last week.
5) While we’re at it…. cancel winter. I prefer to be in a bikini anyway.
6) GIMME, GIMME, GIMME my longstanding Red Sox player wish and put Jacoby Ellsbury in my Yankee outfield. Do it. Do it NOW. I’ve wanted this since he’s been out in that big Fenway Field.. and held on that he’d still be worth it after riding the bench injured the other year. Get him in pinstripes. Make a girl happy.
And with that I’m outta here. Come on back tomorrow for the sage wit of Fake Sandy Alderson (aka Al Sternberg).