EL BARIO, BRONX – For those that don’t know, Deacon Blaber (me) doesn’t believe in saying “Happy Holidays.” I guess I am spoiled by a time when people said something else. Being from West Ghana, though, people did say “Happy Kwanzaa” to me and my family… which just let me confused. But let’s skip the holiday issue and talk about being spoiled.
There is a burden placed on those that are brought up to be spoiled. You know the type that bail on their Thursday article cause they are busy with life (who isn’t?!). Meanwhile, those of us that ain’t just pick up the slack and get the job done, cause that is our middle name (e.g. Cookie spits out a Mini-Cookie and has an article up two days later). Anyway, apparently there is a name for this condition; it is called Affluenza. It is the sickness of living an affluent lifestyle and not understanding what the normal guy goes through.
One of the first rules of sports journalism is never, ever, ever, ever discuss… politics. We are not paid to discuss politics and that will only alienate readers. With that, I will send you to this link. The thing that stuck out to me is that concept of Affluenza and poor little rich kid. It stuck out because as sports fans we all know the asswipe who acts like it is the end of the world when his/her team is having or had a bad season. Meanwhile, there are those of us that would kill for almost making the playoffs. So, without further adieu, here are the Affluenza and Povertenza (the opposite of Affluenza) suffers of sports.
NFL:
Afflueza – It has to be New England Patriots fans! Remember when this team had Doug Flutie and the old logo?! Well, with Tom “Terrific” Brady in charge, these guys consistently win the AFC East and are always top 3 in the conference. But you ask a Pats fan and they act like making the Super Bowl and not winning it is the worst thing that has happened to them. Pre-Belichek they were lucky to make the show – now they are always there and upset when they don’t win.
Povertenza – Detroit Lions fans. they have been bad for so long it is ridiculous. Numerous number 1 picks and not one playoff win. They may make it now but it is still in doubt. These fans only know pain.
MLB:
Afflueza – NY Yankees. I know the Yanks had a lean 1980s but since then it has been good times. From Showalter to Torre to Giradi. However, these bunch of Knutes the Polar Bears (see what I did there?) act like they can’t believe they will continue to suck. Poor old Yankee fans and their 26 rings. Life must be so hard for you knowing that you won’t win The Series this year.
Povertenza – Funny enough it is the Yanks crosstown rivals, the Mets. Not rivals really – because ice cream doesn’t have a rivalry with frozen yogurt. Mets fans think its a rivalry but Yankee fans don’t. Anyway, as MTM’s own Fake Sandy has said so many times, the Mets suck now and will suck for a while… so just deal with it.
NBA:
Afflueza – The Late Show!! Aka LA Laker fans. These are the fans that show up late and leave early. Jack Nickalson is the only real Lakers fan I have ever seen. Either way, missing the playoffs is not the end of the world – but Los Angelinos act like it is.
Povertenza – Minnesota is known as part of The Great White Unknown. What they don’t know about is winning playoff series and/or going far in them. The T-Wolves look incapable of even thinking about the winning, never mind making the playoffs.
NHL:
Afflueza – Can anyone feel the pain of the Detroit Red Wings fans? I mean, Hockeytown, USA is not winning championships. Boo-hoo-hoo! They must have life so hard! It has been a whole 5 years since they won – the shear pain and suffering must be overwhelming.
Povertenza – This group features fans of the St. Louis Blues, the Buffalo Sabres, the Vancouver Canucks and
the Washington Capitals. These teams have never won Lord Stanley’s Cup. Yet, the winner is the Toronto Maple Leafs. Toronto is Canada’s New York. It is the largest city in the country and Les Leafs have a rabid following. But they have not won the Stanley Cup in 45 years. Hell, I am 35!!! I am not surprised these fans are so angry and quick to riot. They wish they had Detroit’s drought.
That is it for now, feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for Her Majesty herself on Cookie’s Corner.
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