NEW YORK, NY – As MTM Super Fan & fellow sports nut JG Clancy awaits Taco Bell’s foray into breakfast with the Waffle Taco, I thought about what & where local sports fans eat for breakfast. And with Dunkin Donuts pretty much dominating the sports concessions landscape, here’s what I see fans of certain teams ordering at the counter.
Jets: Unshaven and unkempt, they waddle up to the counter and place an order with lower belly peeking through an old moth-ridden Joe Klecko (who should be in Canton) jersey the customer has had since high school. “I’ll have a sausage, egg, and cheese on a biscuit. Make it two of ’em.” It is the Rex Ryan of breakfast sandwiches; as fattening as they come and repeats on you like a bad loss long after the fact.
Giants: No messin’ around here. A Big N’ Toasted is what the fans of Big Blue eat to kickoff the day and head out to the pre-game tailgate. The hearty sandwich has bacon, egg, and cheese on Texas-style toast but since the Giants lost twice to the Cowboys last year you might want to ask for it on a sissy-boy croissant.
Yankees: This guy fidgets on line with little time to waste and a nasty disposition when he has to wait like everyone else. Yankees fans and management who are forced to live through April thru September just to get to inevitable October baseball screams of entitlement. An Express Dozen donuts and a Box O’ Joe (Girardi).
Mets: Theirs is a Wilpon-inspired selection where always thinking of a bargain actually gets you nothing more in reality. The bow-tie is little more than a regular glazed donut without the hole and shaped like the braided nautical rope Mets fans have been hanging themselves with as of late. The bowtie is also a connection to GM Frank Cashen’s signature look and the halcyon days of 1986.
Rangers: More loyal than the family Labrador Retriever is the New York Rangers fan. As much as I enjoy poking, prodding, and needling Blueshirts backers with a Swedish meatball of a goalie they are a no bullsh!t, old reliable bunch. Nothing says no nonsense or more New York than a bagel with a schmear of cream cheese and a regular coffee. Runner-up is two old fashioned donuts (call ’em Andy Bathgates instead!), good for dunking.
Islanders: Nobody orders tea at a coffee joint but that’s what Islander fans take with the order of 25 count munchkins. Coincidentally, the number signifies the amount of team wins for any given season. After five wins/munchkins you realize how much they suck, anyway.
Devils: They don’t count. Next!
Nets: This is a different bunch all together. The hipsters may come in smelling like the Brooklyn Navy Yard at low tide but to their credit it does take a big set of donuts to ask for the following: egg white turkey sausage flatbread and Vanilla Chai tea. Egads!
Knicks: Things are positively dark when speaking of the Nix. Fans are losing a lot of sleep with this current configuration so it’s only fitting the order is for a double espresso and a glazed chocolate donut.
Come back tomorrow for DJ Eberle.
Just watch the opening of this, MTM Management rightfully says the rest sucks: