Big Ben Tuesday – One Giant Display of Crap, Surprise Contenders in the NFC

Hee Haw

Stamford, CT: At this point in the football season I expected to be breaking down the New York Giants pushing for the playoffs. Yeah, no. Man, what a train wreck. Then again, “train wreck” is not a big enough disaster to describe this bunch. Unless you like watching players quit, Sunday was another pathetic display. And also from the things-we-didn’t-see-coming file, there are some surprise contenders in the NFC. Let’s do it.

This guy dominated the Giants

You Know Nothing, Jim Burt

After a marked improvement in 2016, expectations were high this summer. Here’s what some great former Giants’ defenders had to say about the defense ahead of the season.

They have the most talented defense that they’ve ever had – and that includes us.” Jim Burt

I think they can be as dominant a defense as there can be in this era of football.” Carl Banks

I think they can be pretty good.” Bill Parcells (a generous compliment for him)

Thanks for getting my hopes up, Burt. But I’m not mad at you, I can still remember you smashing Joe Montana into the turf.

Burt crushes Montana

A Giant Load

The Giants made someone named C.J. Beathard, a placeholder for Jimmy Garoppolo, look like Steve Freakin’ Young. The secondary looked particularly disinterested in tackling. You could practically see Janoris Jenkins thinking about what he was going to do after the game. Olivier Vernon stood out because he was actually playing hard. The offense was its usual sputtering, semi-functional self, but at least they were trying.

It was such a sickening display of defense that my nauseated dog Chief refused to eat rabbit poop in the yard after the game. With key (and I use that word loosely) players like Justin Pugh and “Snacks” Harrison going down with injuries, this could get even uglier. Expect to see the broom come out this offseason for a serious housecleaning. Jerry Reese and Ben McAdoo have got to be gone. But at least they didn’t pretend to be decent, like the Jets, just so they could keep their mediocre coach and not get a top 10 pick. Dumb dumbs. The Jets s*ck at s*cking.

Hee Haw

Party Crashers Atop the NFC

If you go back to my preseason articles, you’ll remember that I picked the Eagles, Rams, Vikings, and Saints to win their divisions. Or I had them all in last place, I forgot which. But it’s time to stop laughing them off as pretenders. We live in a world where Russian bots on social media are convincing people to smash their Keurig coffee makers because the company pulled its sponsorship of Sean Hannity’s show after he defended an alleged pedophile. It’s a brave new world folks, so why can’t the Saints play some defense?

Not only did the Saints find a defense, but that running game is humming. The Mark Ingram/Alvin Kamara tag team made the Bills D look like my high school team. And the Rams average 33 points a game and have allowed fewer points than everyone except the Jags, Steelers, and Panthers (through 9 games). I hate the f@cking Eagles, so I’ll just say they look somewhat functional. It’s all I can muster. The Vikings seem to be the most vulnerable of the group, but Case Keenum is looking like a better QB than Sam Bradford or Teddy Bridgewater. I’ll bet the Texans wish they had that guy back.

The AFC has stayed much closer to the script, but it’ll be interesting to see who comes out of the NFC. Spoiler alert: it will not be the Giants. Cheering me up somewhat has been the inspired play by the occupants of MSG. Hopefully the Rangers and Knicks will keep our chestnuts roasting through the winter.

Come back tomorrow for the sweet stylings of Angry Ward. You can follow us on Twitter at @benwhit, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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About Ben Whitney 415 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.