NEW YORK, NY – It’s Monday. It’s cold. On top of that, DJ Eberle is on vacation and we plum forgot he was Absentia over here at MTM HQ… But if you’re in a similar situation and feel sorry for yourself about having a long, cold week of blah ahead of you, or have to write an emergency column for your sports website, just have a look at the Chinese skier at the Olympics. Granted, a crash like that is devastating. But just wait… If you think Trump doesn’t like losers, you ain’t been to ‘Gyna. They eat them. Alive… But enough of that, let’s get to today’s headlines: Olympic Strippers, Mets’ David Wright is Wrong, LeBron Speaking Up:
Olympic Strippers: Are we all really so shocked that a tiny body thong might slip and reveal more than it should during an Olympic event? Isn’t that the real draw, anyway? Really, there is no need, whatsoever, for figure skaters and gymnasts to be just about nude bouncing around their respective events. How about our beloved beach volleyball? What, shorts and and a tank-top would change the course of a match? So why do these specimens basically disrobe for their events? Sex sells. There. It’s now out there.
The French skater’s breast reveal is nothing. Rien – as they say in Chez Fries/France. Nobody ever ushered a peep about Christiane Berger (below) of Germany… Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron were only doing this Winter Olympics a favor (and us), by getting eyes on them… the Games, that is.
Heck, Adam Rippon even says he “…likes his slutty [figure skating] costumes.”
David Wright Is Wrong: All is Wright this time of year, with Spring Training in full swing, right? Wrong. This sports pundit is NOT drinking the Kool-Aid apparently being chugged by some other sports media folks. The Mets off-season wasn’t great, people. Coming off two awful seasons that exposed their barren farm system, mediocre roster and unwillingness to act like a major-market team, they bring in a .220 hitter that the Stanks thought stunk, an aging first baseman that was discarded by the Dodgers and Braves in about a week and a soft-tosser [ahem] southpaw on the downside of of 35. Moreover, David Wright is STILL THE CAPTAIN. Wright even had the baseballs to say he’s not targeting a comeback date, that he doesn’t want to raise hopes or expectations. Wait, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for five years. You’ve allowed the snake oil salesmen in the front office to dangle the specter of your return over an abused fan base for the entirety of you Captaincy.
Not very Captain-ish, Dave.
But there is a win-win for all here: Hold a press conference and relinquish your Captaincy. Tell us that you’ll go off to rehab and only be expected as a bench player. Ease our suffering and drop this bombshell on Flushing: “I’ve decided to renegotiate my contract so that it’s not so suffocating for the [sleaze-ball] front office. They will now have an extra $10,000,000.oo to spend on somebody that can actually play, Mike Moustakas.”
LeBron Speaks Up: The only difference between yours truly and a network personality talking politics or espousing policy is that a network talking head is reading off a teleprompter. Here at Meet The Matts – and at our partner site Rugby Wrap Up, we read off notes on a sheet of paper – if that. So how does reading off a teleprompter givethe juice to say “…shut up and dribble.” Hey Laura, this guy came from nothing and built an empire. He’s in all kinds of businesses, has charities that help kids and is right in step with President Trump‘s “I like winners.” criteria. He is smart, successful and engaged. If real estate deals and self-promotion can get you into the White House, why can’t a sports entertainment magnate share his views? Where is the manual re Who Gets To Opine? Here’s a thought for Ingraham: Hey Laura, shut up and read.
That’s all for now. Please feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for Slutty Ben Whitney.