RUTHERFORD, NJ – Four times a year the bear inside of some of you that is a New Yorker, comes out to rear its ugly mug. What time of year am I talking about? The start of a new sports season. That New Yorker just escapes from the body in inexplicable unsubstantiated hate directed at the sports teams of New York. Essentially, four times a year everyone in this city is Yankee Joe. Generally, like a night at Short Matt’s house, you don’t remember this ever even happening by mid-season.
For those of you with real short memories, the Giants went 1-2 to start last season and the sky was falling. So many people jumped ship that I bought a pair of decent seats to the Rams vs Giants game for $50 a piece. The rest is history. Super Bowl blah blah blah… Suck, it Trebek. (The Rams should have won that game, by the way).
Today, this bear is going to jump-start things by calling out all of the imbeciles on the Jints… the ones who are going to make them blow harder than the Trade Winds this year, starting with the biggest nut job of them all: Tom Coughlin. Who does this guy think he is anyways!? He thinks two Super Bowls in fours years make him qualified to coach the G-Men!? “Build the Bridge”? What kind of frogging slogan is that? Let the MTA not do their job while you focus on not doing yours Tom Coughlin.
Justin Tuck… Words can’t express how livid your Johnny Walker Blue stunt made me. You buy everyone on the team JW Blue because all season you were blue collar guys getting the blue collar job done to a Big Blue collar championship. Let me ask you a question, Mrs. Tucked-It-Back; How many blue collar guys do you know spending $250 a bottle for their scotch? Hell, how many blue collar guys outside of Angry Ward and Jim Clancy even drink scotch?! If you wanted to give a blue collar gift, you should have gone with a case of Busch Light and a 10 dollar gift certificate to the Olive Garden. Now the whole team is going to go bankrupt (before they retire) due to your terrible lesson in fiscal responsibility. I blame Notre Dame.
Victor Cruz… If you weren’t such a sissy Mary you would have 2500 yards receiving… but you just don’t want to go over the middle. Austin Collie would have caught that.
Corey Webster… If you were smart like Antonio Cromartie, you would have kids playing in the league to support you by now. Instead I have the pleasure of watching you get burned by everything short of the clap you got from this chick. >>>
Lawrence Tynes and Steve Weatherford… What ever happened to having a kicker or punter that could do taxes? I’m convinced that the reason that the bankruptcy rate is sooooooo high now is because the kickers aren’t writing off all of that Johnny Walker like they did in the good old days.
Last but not least, David Carr… This guy has taken more sacks to the face than Paris Hilton. I mean really… in the concussion age why keep this bag of bones around? I guess the Giants didn’t get Lucky. Cheesy Bruin’s Cowboys beat them, 24-17.
Please opine below and come back tomorrow for Different Matt.