Angry Ward Wednesday: Serving Up Sports on Thanksgiving Day Menu

Bacon Bird During Pre-Game
Bacon Bird During Pre-Game

NEW YORK, NY – Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so if you think I’m putting any kind of effort into today’s posts you’ve got Plymouth rocks in your head. Still, Thanksgiving always means food aplenty and food is always worth talking about. For instance, JG Clancy sent me this picture of a bacon covered turkey specially for today’s column. While Mr. Clancy is no fan of turkey, we’re fairly certain that he’d at least consider sampling one covered in his favorite cured pork product. Let’s take a look at tomorrow’s menus and see how, or if, any of it ties into sports.

Pigskin. While not a whole lot of people do roast pork or suckling pig (save them cracklin’s for me) on Thanksgiving, just about everyone is up for a heaping helping of pro football. Tomorrow’s first game has Detroit hosting the Houston Texans. Our guess is that Houston should be able to handle the Lions. But, who knows, maybe Aaron Rodgers whispered in Matt Stafford’s ear during last Sunday’s postgame handshake and told him how to hang six touchdowns on one of the league’s top ranked Ds. The 4-o’clocker features RGIII and the Redskins visiting Dallas. Look for Jason Garrett to make a series of turkey play-calls. Speaking of turkey…

Get well soon, Gronk. Nice nurse!

Wings. Never a popular part of the Thanksgiving gobbler, wings are nevertheless playing a big part in tomorrow’s Jets/Pats night game. New England’s monster tight end Rob Gronkowski broke one of his wings during a final extra point try in last week’s rout over the Colts and will likely miss the rest of the season. Meanwhile, Mark Sanchez and his much maligned wing, carved up the Rams in St. Louis last Sunday. This one could actually be good.

Stuffing. This is what Bears backup QB Jason Campbell had knocked out of him Monday night by Aldon Smith of the 49ers. Smith a LB/DE hybrid in the Lawrence Taylor/Derrick Thomas mold sacked Campbell five and a half times in one game. Anyone attempting to bogart the stuffing on the dinner table will receive similar treatment.

Corn. How can you not like corn? Even if you don’t, you should eat at least a little because, as my friend Sean likes to say, it makes for a great “intestinal bookmark” so you know where you are with your post-meal digestion the next day. As for corn in sports, I’ve hated the Nebraska Cornhuskers since the days when Tom Osborne was busy running up scores on inferior opponents and I have no plans on stopping now.

Jason Campbell gets holiday hug from Aldon Smith

Gravy. Whatever I write from here on out is pure gravy.

Salad. As Homer Simpson once sang, “You don’t make friends with salad. You don’t make friends with salad.” It’s as true today as it was then. I don’t really have a problem with salad, except on Thanksgiving. It’s a useless waste of space. Y’know, like former Jets #1 pick Vernon Gholston.

Dessert. Most people favor some kind of pie for dessert on Thanksgiving. Some people are partial to pumpkin, some pecan, while others like something more traditional like apple. For me personally, I think dessert on this day says you failed miserably at eating all you could during dinner.

Clean up. This, the worst part of the evening, is when my brother conveniently passes out on the couch, which is a brilliant move really. Snoozing through clean up moments is something #4 hitters in Mets lineups have been doing for years.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! I sincerely hope that both Cam James and/or Lori Levine have tomorrow off. How about we just make it a live blog of various MTM Thanksgiving moments? I know that I’d love to get updates from Camp Blaber and Cookie’s Most Excellent In-Law Adventures.


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About Angry Ward 737 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.