Breaking Bad Sports: West Coast Craig Cooks Up Sports Comparisons to Best Show Ever

BreakingBad with Walter White Bobble Head
Breaking Bad Sports: If Angry Ward and Grote2DMax had a son, it would be Walter White.

ALBUQUERQUE, NM –¬† For those of you who’ve DVR’d last night’s Breaking Bad finale and have been studiously avoiding your Facebook page for fear of being spoiled, I feel your anxiousness. Unfortunately, I’m compelled to make some tribute to the passing of a great show, so I’m going to fill it with spoilers galore. Fortunately for you, they’ll have nothing to do with last night’s episode. Nothing whatsoever. Go on and keep reading without fear. No really. Well, maybe some. You better not read any further.

M.I.A.-Super-Bowl-

Blue Meth: Good thing nobody watches that strange¬†Talking Bad show that followed these last few episodes, or they’d have seen how surprise guest Mike Tyson summed up the New York Giants this season.

Ryacin will be used: I don’t know what your assumptions are, especially after the cold opening to the season. I’m talking about Dodgers’ Korean import pitcher Ryu, who started off a little rough but will now add starting a Major League playoff game to an impressive resume that includes wins in an Olympic gold medal game and a World Baseball Classic.

Poor Badger is gunned down: Wisconsin got murdered by Ohio State on Saturday.

Walt takes over the Los Pollos Hermanos franchise and expands it to the midwest. It was easy to see this twist coming, but not the National League Central putting three teams in the postseason. Kobe as Gus Fring_576This is also a purist’s nightmare; like that strange dream sequence last night where the ghost of Gus Fring came to Walt White and asked why there ain’t no brothers on the wall – as the Pirates finished a full four games ahead of the Reds and yet could get bounced by them in one game. Then the Cardinals have to stoop to play a team they out-lapped by seven games in their own division.

Saul Goodman turns up working in the NFL legal department. Gotta call Saul when the League needs that certain creative flair to continue trying to sue/keep relevant the performer M.I.A. for something that happened two years ago. Only Saul can seek $1.5 million for the clear damage done to “the great value of the goodwill associated with the NFL and the tremendous public respect and reputation for wholesomeness enjoyed by the NFL.” The first episode of the new series will feature Saul pinning Aaron Hernandez on M.I.A. as well. The second episode is even better, as Saul starts spinning the league’s concussion problem by shifting the spotlight to other sports, like baseball. Sometimes I really don’t like the NFL.

gotta call saulTodd will get strangled to death by Jesse. Jesse gets free and goes all the way to Pittsburgh, where he uses his remaining cash to open up a sandwich shop. Unfortunately, the timing couldn’t be worse, as the Steelers are 0-4 with an offensive line as flimsy as the cheap bread in his French Dip special. In a rage, Jesse strangles Steelers offensive coordinator Todd Haley. The Pirates better win tomorrow, so nobody notices Haley missing for at least another week.

Walt gets his redemption. I’m still pretty in awe that Vince Gilligan pulled this off.

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About West Coast Craig 226 Articles
West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.