Angry Ward Wednesday: Olympic Basketball, A-Rod, Election, Summer of Loathe

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Olympic Basketball. US&A very nice!

PALM BEACH, FL – Taking a well-deserved break from my exhausting vacation to crank out another bunch of crap for my bald, bike-less boss. On the bright side, I somehow stumbled into cooler weather by heading out of NYC and down to South Florida, so there’s that. But otherwise, for the most part, this summer has been a sh!t show. Here are some of the low-lights.

The U.S. Men’s Basketball Team. After beating the pants off China and Venezuela in Olympic Basketball, Team USA had to rally to beat Australia and then squeaked by b-ball powerhouses Serbia and France by three points. WTF??? I know LeBron and Steph and others aren’t there, and I’m not even really watching, but have some pride and play like a team. Are they betting against themselves? If so, I understand completely. Otherwise, if this keeps up, I’m kinda rooting against them.

A-Rod’s Farewell. What sad, stupid, vindictive sh!t this was. He barely got to play, as the Yankees are actually hanging around in the AL East. Did he deserve better? Maybe not. But the Yankees sure deserved to endure watching him play out the string. This is a franchise with enough decaying corpses and scary skeletons to populate a horror movie version of Field of Dreams, where the likes of A-Rod, Kevin Brown, Ed Whitson, Hideki Irabu, Kei Igawa, Mel Hall, Luis Polonia and a host of other Pinstriped refuse come burbling out of the Bronx River to terrorize the empty suits running the storied franchise. Speaking of empty suits…

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Painful Election. The 2016 Presidential election can’t end soon enough, as far as I’m concerned. I haven’t seen anyone make so many moves in an attempt to lose since the Cleveland Indians in the movie Major League. ochen-kulturnye-momenty-zhizni_34414_s__8Now the Tangerine Tw@t is bringing Roger Ailes into the fold. I guess he was worried that there may still be a handful of misinformed women out there who might still be voting for him. He should just hire John Hinckley, Al Sharpton and Michele Bachmann and be done with it. What’s next? Burning down a mosque? Using a baby as a human shield? Sweet Jesus, this campaign makes a dumpster fire look like a Waterford chandelier by comparison.

nypost_20160720_brxp-2_001Baseball Blahs and Football Flags. The Mets are tanking and the Yanks are inexplicably making a run at the AL East. Joy. That said, the Mariners are starting to put it together out West. In football, it’s business as usual. Hopes are idiotically high for New York teams and DJ Eberle’s Buffalo Bills are the NFL version of the Final Destination movie series. No one in Western NY gets out alive. Seriously, DJ, what gives with your effed franchise?

Miracle at the Meadowlands! Among all of the sweaty suffering, I stumbled into a minor miracle last week when I somehow sold my useless Giants/Dolphins preseason tickets on Stubhub. Sure, I sold them for half price but, I didn’t think I’d get so much as five bucks for the pair. God bless whatever desperate souls wanted to trudge out to Jersey to watch that mess. And with this, my faith in mankind is restored… though I still have some very serious reservations about our overall intelligence.

Back to the last few happy hours of summer. Tomorrow cone back for a little slice of heaven with a man who lost three toes in a fight, Buddy Diaz. And please follow us on Twitter – @Angry_Ward & @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

 

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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