Cole Beasley, Montreal Expos, Boston Bruins, Monmouth Park. Cheesy Bruin Reports

Justin Tuner?

MONMOUTH PARK– It was one of those lost August days and if I had only just taken the time to keep score of what was transpiring around me at Southern New Jersey’s version of Belmont Racetrack, I should have kept the money in my pocket untouched. It was a warm day with no breeze and a sun beating down on the spectators enough to leave sweat stains around necks, arm pits, and man-boobs. And when did it become fashionable for teenage girls to run around with their ass cheeks hanging out of their Daisy Dukes? Where was this back in the ’80’s, I ask?

Thank goodness for the cold beer in the cooler, which goes un-inspected at this track. Amazing at the amount of glass bottles in and around the picnic areas. I mean isn’t somebody in the jockey’s union afraid of angry bettors tossing empties at unimpressive mounts aboard a horse they had in the exacta?

Bart the Expo
Bart the Expo

Back to the scenery as I like to people watch and gaze at their choice of sports team apparel. Props to a teenager among his cohorts donning a Montreal Expos cap.  The kid definitely wasn’t around for the last season of Omar Minaya’s now defunct old team. There was a UFO, an Unidentified Fat Object, squeezing into a size-too-small #11 Dallas Cowboys road uniform. I just shook my head in disbelief. Does Cole Beasley have family in this area? Cole Beasley, I tell ya. I do give this gal credit for “going off the board” in her choice, though.

al bundy
Polk High… Liquor in the rear.

And then there was the piece de la resistance: a clueless zipper-head in a light green t-shirt with Polk High on the front with the #33 and the name Bundy on the back. No, not Ted or King Kong Bundy but a clear reference to Al Bundy of Married With Children fame. If it didn’t look like this guy came out of Revenge of the Nerds, I probably would have said something to this out of place character.

sccThe only solace among losing parimutuel tickets came in the form of a fellow Boston Bruins fan among the group uninspiringly called The Group.  Yeah, there was talk about that championship season in 2011 and names of yore: Orr, Esposito, Bourque and Neely.  That and the ice in the cooler refreshed the day for me like nothing else.  There also was mention of Gord Kluzak being a big-time investment trader, to which I said it’s nice to know he did something with the money he stole from the Bruins during his oft-injured career.

I gambled away 45 bucks on nothing more than some nags and a few horses whose names are familiar in my inner circle:  My Bro Paul disappointed and in a race simulcast from Saratoga, Rich’n Tuck hasn’t reached the finish line yet.  No horses were harmed or euthanized during the seven races we stayed.  A bad day sweating my balls off at the track beats a day doing nothing other than sitting with my thumbs up my ass.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.