QUEENS, NY: There’s been a lot of winching in recent days about the difficulty of writing about sports in August. It’s understandable, as much of the complaining is coming from New York Mets’ fans. It’s been a while since the Mets have had meaningful games in October. Or August. And most of them are Jets fans too, probably, so they don’t even have anything resembling a competitive football season to get them through the summer. So yeah, tough times. But I’m here to help. For my friends who root for the Orange and Blue, allow me to suggest five things for to do in August instead of watching baseball.
1. Watch Game of Thrones
Instead of watching your ace fireballer blow fastballs past hapless hitters, watch a dragon blow fireballs on helpless soldiers. The Lannister soldiers had a better chance against that dragon than the Mets’ hitters had against the Dodgers. And hey, your ace might even make a cameo.
2. Play Golf
The dog days of summer have been known to wear down the best of us, even the President. Who am I to say Trump doesn’t deserve a 17-day golf vacation? It’s hard work staying awake through intelligence briefings, mean Tweeting, and er, playing golf. But he’ll be working through his vacation, if you can even call it that, he assured us. And when golf was rained out early in the trip, he proved it by immediately getting back to work riffling off a long string of baffling attack tweets. Fifty days on the golf course in six months might sound like a shipload, but getting yelled at in Russian all day takes its toll. And if that hard working mother tweeter needs a vacation, so do you. So get out there and enjoy the sun.
3. Get a New Job
Speaking of skipping work to golf, Yoenis Cespedes was spotted throwing off a rubber in the bullpen. He even threw a few hooks. I’m sure the Mets aren’t worried about it, with their stellar reputation for protecting their pitchers’ arms. That $110 million they invested in him is surely safe. You make $110 million every four years too, right? Get out there and find a new job, qualifications be damned.
4. Become a Sunday School Teacher
Or do anything that takes you away from the TV on Sunday. Quincy Enunwa, the Jets only exciting offensive player, is out for the season. The AFC East QBs not named Tom Brady are now Tyrod Taylor, Josh McCown, and Jay Cutler. In related news, Bill Bellichick has announced he won’t bother with defensive game plans within his division this year. Ty Law is considering coming out of retirement to pad his interception stats. It’s gonna get ugly for the Jets folks, be somewhere else.
5. Get on the Baby Bomber Bandwagon
Friends, 1986 was a long time ago. Top Gun, Platoon, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off were a few of the top movies. Dionne Warwick and Friends’ That’s What Friends are For, Lionel Richie’s Say You, Say Me, and Whitney Houston’s How Will I Know? were among the top songs. Isn’t it time to stop the self-inflicted punishment? Think of the mismanaging of Johan Santana, Matt Harvey and so many others, the poor personnel decisions, the bad contracts, the Scoscia homer, the Subway Series loss. Think of it all and let the hate flow through you. Come to the dark side. Enjoy baseball after May again.
That’s all for me. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, a guy who complains year round, not just in August. Follow us on Twitter at @benwhit, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.