Big Ben Tuesday; What’s Ill and What’s Chill

Can you smeeell an academy award for the Rock?

New Paltz, NY: My college frat had a newsletter called the Dirt Rag, where a regular feature was What’s Ill and What’s Chill? Things that were “ill” usually included things like cops breaking up keg parties and “chill” things would be a new crop of killer weed in town. Deep stuff. Anyway, I’m co-opting the idea. So without further ado, allow me to present the first edition of What’s Ill and What’s Chill.

Can you smeeell an academy award for the Rock?

What’s Ill

Kyrie Irving: It’s no surprise that Kyrie wants to leave, but it is a surprise that he “very badly” wants to play for the dysfunctional mess that is the New York Knicks. I’d rather play sidekick to Lebron James and try to win championships over being the top dog on the Shitterbockers. Not to mention, the Knicks long awaited return to greatness mediocrity would be further delayed by losing the valuable assets they’d have to give up to get him. He’d be the lead dog pulling a sled of crap. I’d rather live in Cleveland.

Lavar Ball Sr.: This freaking guy. Among the many lowlights of Ball’s brief time in the spotlight; he said he would have “killed” Michael Jordan in one-on-one in his heyday, and he Tweeted that if you can’t afford his son’s $500 Big Baller sneakers, “you’re NOT a BIG BALLER.” I thought my Mom was embarrassing. This guy is set to bump Marv Marinovich off the top of the list of worst sports Dads of all time.

Baltimore Ravens: in researching the potential blowback from a possible Colin Kaepernick signing, the Ravens sought advice from Ray Lewis. Naturally. I’m guessing it went down something like this:

Ravens: Hey Ray, do you think it would be worse for our brand to sign a guy who didn’t stand for the national anthem or a guy who committed murder? You know, you.”

Ray: I only helped cover up the murder. Not kneeling is way worse than the disposing of a murder weapon. 

Cashman goes all in

Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti said they’re trying to figure out what to do, “so pray for us.” You’re signing a backup quarterback, not storming the beaches at Normandy. Ease up Pal.

Chris Christie: for getting into an altercation with a fan at a Cubs game. It probably would’ve been more intimidating if he had put down the cheese covered nachos.

What’s Chill

Brian Cashman: The Yankees got hot after the break and convinced Cashman to get active. After the big Robertson, Frazier move, they made a typical under-the-radar, post George-Era move in adding Jamie Garcia. He’ll slot nicely into the back of the rotation and give you quality innings.

He could’ve called it quits there and been happy. But he went out and got the top of the rotation guy in Sonny Gray. Gray has been dominant of late and the Yanks are suddenly a legit contender. The gave up some solid prospects to get Gray, but the Yankees only hoard prospects for so long. And Gray is no rental, he’s under team control for two more years. The big moves he made selling at the deadline last year were masterful, and the Yankees have pulled off a rebuild on the fly like few franchises could. Big props to Cash.

I will not share the nachos

Adrian Beltre: Has there ever been a quieter first ballot hall of fame career than Beltre? If he can get to 500 dingers (he’s at 454), he’ll join Hank Aaron as the only player with 3,000 hits, 600 doubles, 500 homers, 1,500 runs (needs 44 more), and 1,500 RBI. If he doesn’t get the homers, only Stan Musial and Carl Yastrzemski have done all that with 450 home runs. 

All things ‘The Rock”: Tim “the Rock” Raines” was just inducted into the Hall of Fame on his last chance. After Ricky Henderson, the Rock was the quintessential leadoff man of my formative years. Former pretend wrestler, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s acting career really seems to be taking off, in spite of the disappointing Baywatch reboot flop. His show Ballers is nearly watchable and he’s actually shown some decent acting chops for an action movie hero. Casterly Rock is apparently known as the Rock on Game of Thrones. Even though the fortress fell for the first time to the unsullied army, it was all a Lannister trap so they could sneak off and conquer Highgarden. Huge armies sure move with stealth in this show, have they ever heard of scouts?

The Cubs: for giving Steve Bartman a World Series ring. This guy took a load of crap, classy move by the Cubbies.

That’s all for me. Come back tomorrow for the always chill Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @benwhit, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.


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About Ben Whitney 358 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.