Helsinki, Finland: Happy All-Star Break! Our President is openly committing treason and Sasha B Cohen has members of congress publicly endorsing a program to arm 3-year olds. I wish I were kidding. We’ve switched into the fast lane to the abyss. Oh well, it was a good run. Appropos of nothing, how about some Mid-year MTM Writer Awards?
The 500 Word Intro Award: Junoir Blaber! I’m sure there are people out there, other than those related to him, who are very concerned about Short Matt’s late night texts and how Junoir came up with his song of the week, but he might try getting right to the sports stuff. See how that feels.
The Homer Award: Buddy Diaz! Stanley Cup Finals, the NFL Draft, the World Cup – screw you, Buddy is going to write about the Knicks.
The Overreacting to the Mets Award: Short Matt! When the Mets started 12-2, SM was cutting up ticker tape and getting way too excited. When they plummeted into the seventh level of hell, Matt’s rabid rants were apocalyptic.
The Overuse of a Mediocre Joke Award: Different Matt! That extra “u” (Canadian spelling) thing DM does may have been funny at some point, but at present, it is no one’s favourite humour.
The Fraudulent Mets Fan Award: Angry Ward! This Seattle fan says he would be broken up if the Mets traded deGrom, for some reason. But like Michael Jordan, who once said “Republicans buy sneakers too,” Angry Ward knows how to play to his fan base. You know, the seven Mets fans who occasionally stumble on to this site.
Lebron’s #1 Defender Award: DJ Eberle! Everyone saw Lebron quit in Game 4 of the Finals. It’s hard to blame him too much, but let’s call it for what it is. The hand brace in the press conference was too much for any respectable person to defend. Not Ebs. There he was on Monday, like Sean Hannity after Trump embarrasses himself yet again, coming to the aid of his guy.
The Break-even Gambler Award: Cheesy Bruin! Have you ever noticed that Cheesy is quick to tell you when he went three and one the week before but “forgets” to mention when he’s one and three? Don’t let his hot start fool you this season, the Cheeseman will finish around .500.
Congrats to all the winners. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, if you like frauds. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.