NEW YORK, NY – What a wacky, wild topsy-turvey world we live in! Presidents getting indicted, Canadian forest fires shutting down NYC and the Pittsburgh Pirates playing decent baseball! While that swishes around in your head, let’s whisk your attention to these topics: Mets New Superstar, Paulina Gretzky, Blaine Gabbert Gobbledegook
Paulina Gretzky
Could you imagine being Tatum Gretzky? Your Grandpa is Wayne Gretzky, which is daunting enough. Add another layer because your Dad is golf stud/Justin Verlander look-a-like Dustin Johnson. Talk about AAP (Athletic Achievement Pressure)! BUT WAIT… your Mom is none other than Paulina Gretzky, one of the hottest women to grace Earth. Heavy the [gene] crown, indeed! How f***king daunting is all of this for an 8-year-old kid?!! Talk about not knowing who your friends are! How many boys want to hang out with you to get sniff glimpse of you Momma?
A) You can’t trust any red-blooded males.
B) You can’t trust any hockey fans.
C) You can’t trust any golf fans – LIV be damned!
D) What’s success for you if you’re not a pro athlete? And a dang good one?!
Great Ceasars Ghost! You gotta feel fro this kid and his little brother!
Mets New Superstar
First off, Happy Birthday to Uncle Steve Cohen, proprietor of the New York Mets, who are on a 1-game win streak! This messy/Metsy start is not your fault, Uncle Steve. But let’s get back to the thread… The Amazins have a least one new bonafide star on the their hands, Fransisco Alvarez. He’s the real deal, Ladies & Germs. He’s got Jose Reyes‘ enthusiasm, Piazza’s pop and Pudge Rodriguez’s skill-set behind the dish. I love this kid. Watching him sprinting around the bases after going yard is simultaneously great and refreshing. Personality-wise, he’s got a little Yogi in him. Sign him now to a long-term deal. You heard it here first.
Blaine Gabbert Gobbledegook
I am jealous of Blaine Gabbert. As a backup QB in the NFL, he’s got one of the world’s greatest jobs – ever. Indeed, there are but a few that are/were better: Mets 1B coach, Elvis’s backup singer, and 1927 Yankees hitting coach. Anyway, Gabbert was Tom Brady’s clipboard holder in Tampa, and now he’s caddying for Patrick Mahomes. He even has press conferences replete with media actually listening to him. Yesterday was one of those instances, where Gabbert got to be Gabby. You know what nugget he unearthed for the on-the-edge-of-their-seats press? That Brady and Mahomes are “…two of the best to ever play the game.” Uh… No shipth, Sherlock. That’s some real Blaine Gabbert Gobbledegook, right there.
That’s all for today. Enjoy the ash-free air and be sure to get a good sunburn as the Mets sink the Pirates and Sawx crush the Stanks.
