Angry Ward Wednesday: February Prop Bets and I Really Need Baseball Back

NEW YORK, NY – It’s Wednesday, February 7th. We’re only four days away from the Super Bowl and an excruciating 22 days (and even worse nights) until the end of this dreadful month. If I had any kind of disposable income to speak of right now, I’d be betting on everything and anything, just for the distraction. Even without the money to put into play, it’s fun to think about. Let’s do it. Here now, your February Prop Bets.

Most Likely to Get Arrested Before the Super Bowl. Patrick Mahomes Sr. has already disqualified himself from this bet. And, sure, there are always a couple of players who run afoul of the law right before the big game, but the smart money this year is on “Anyone directly related to Andy Reid.” Note, the post-SB arrest bet (aka The Ray Lewis) is a completely different category.

Which Happens First: The Polar Ice Caps Completely Melt or Short Matt Gets Rich & Famous? C’mon, people, this is an easy one. Make the bet and use your winnings to buy a nice wet-suit for yourself.

JG Clancy Eats Over 10 Pigs in a Blanket this Sunday. You can get like 100-1 odds betting the under at some books, and like a penny on every thousand dollars bet on the over. Wager wisely or… better yet… just eat a whole mess of pigs in a blanket. That’s the safest bet.

Which Will Chiefs Have More of on Sunday, Holding Penalties or Dropped Passes? If this isn’t already a SB prop bet, it probably should be. I’d like to parlay it (I’ll take holding calls) with some sort of Kardarius Toney “complete meltdown/doesn’t finish out the game” bet.

The Prop Bet Portion of this Post Ends Right Here. Bet. It. All.

JG Clancy

This was going nowhere, and I have no desire to start from scratch, so let’s just move on.

It’s clear that this upcoming Super Bowl match up, as well as the current state of things in the NBA and the NHL have done zero to awaken my hibernating vitriol. I truly don’t care who wins Sunday except, as I’ve mentioned, I think a Chiefs win will upset Patriots/Brady fans as well as a whole bunch of idiot rightwing conspiracy wingnuts so, “Go KC!,” I suppose. My Warriors are showing their age this year but it’s hard to work up anger towards the Timberwolves and Thunder. And, except for James Dolan, how can I not be happy that Knicks fans finally have a team to get excited about. Same with the NHL and Rangers fans. These are terribly confusing times for me.

The bottom line is, I clearly need baseball back. I need to get pissed-off about the Mets, hate on the Yankees, see whether the Good Ship Mariner is seaworthy, wonder aloud about stuff like, “What’s going to happen with the Oakland A’s?” It now sounds like even Vegas doesn’t want them. When Vegas doesn’t want you, it’s time to start getting concerned. All I know is, Spring Training can’t start soon enough and it’s a lock that Short Matt will be going to Mets Rugby Shirt Day on April 1st. Bet on it.

Come on back tomorrow for the smooth grooves of Buddy Diaz.

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About Angry Ward 736 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.