STAMFORD, CT: I was pondering a column about an offseason wish list for the Giants roster, when I saw some distressing news about my beloved team. Now I just want to trash them and their scummy part-owner, Steve Tisch. And let’s trash Drury and the Rangers too, while we’re in a bad mood. Let’s get Ned Stark in here to lop off some heads.
Go to the 4:37 mark if you’re busy & just want to get to the lopping.
Piece of Tisch
Just when you thought things were getting better for the Giants, it turns out that co-owner Steve Tisch is a total piece of crap. Jeff Epstein pleaded guilty to soliciting prostitution from an underage girl around 2008, which was a slap on the wrist for the real crimes they surely had him on. Well, five long years later, Scummy Steve exchanged several salacious emails with him, scouting potential prostitutes and other fun stuff good buddies chat about.
I guess you could argue that Tisch didn’t know the extent of Epstein’s crimes and these women were consenting adults. But screw that, he had to have some idea. He had to at least suspect that Epstein was dealing in trafficked human beings.
Force him to sell his share of the team now. Right now.
There is a special place in hell for people like this. For Steve Tisch’s personal hell, may I suggest forcing him to watch the following on an endless loop:
A. The amazing sequence in the Joe Judge era. The Giants were down 3-0 in the middle of the second quarter and faced a second and ten from their own three. The Giants went deep into their playbook and ran two consecutive QB sneaks, then punted. They had so little confidence in Jake Fromm and the offense, they were too scared to even run a draw play, much less throw the ball. Quality football there.
B. The helmet catch, but this time video replay rules it incomplete. 
The Giants lose and nude Gronkowski and Vince Wilfork show up in Tisch’s suite to get medieval on him after the game. Gronk cackles the entire time.
C: Younghoe (ahem, unfortunate name there) Koo kicking the dirt instead of the ball on a FG attempt. Each time Koo kicks the dirt, Tisch feels it in his nuts.
Drury’s Poker Face
Welp, the Rangers are cooked. Maybe for a while. I think the start of the problem can be traced back to douchey Dolan panic firing of John Davidson and Jeff Gorton. They were building a contender. Sure, they looked a little soft in the 2020 playoffs vs Carolina. But that wasn’t a real season, and everything was headed in the right direction.
The next blunder was Chris Drury openly shopping his team’s captain and longest tenured player, Trouba and Kreider. Was he trying to submarine the team’s chemistry? Well, it worked. Why couldn’t he just quietly make some calls, wheel and deal behind closed doors instead of publicly embarrassing his team’s top leaders?
Then he compounded things by bringing even crappier players to replace the discarded ones. Now they’re in total freefall and Drury decided to send a letter to the fans, explaining that they’re going into a “retool” not a “rebuild.” Phew, now I feel better.
First order of business, dump Panarin, their most dynamic player, for 60 cents on the dollar because he has a full no movement clause. He’ll have to approve a trade to a team that’s willing to give him an extension, which takes away the Rangers’ leverage to push for a big return.
The biggest mystery to me is why Drury has to make everything he’s doing so public. Try playing your cards close to vest, bro. I’d love to play poker with this guy. He probably has more tells that a drunk with Tourette Syndrome.
This guy has hit with like 2 draft picks out of 30. You can’t let him draft this year.
Fire Drury Now.
Speaking of drunks, come back tomorrow for Angry Ward. And come back next Tuesday for my final column. It’ll be a doozy… Maybe.
