Angry Ward: Woods Looks Weathered, Bobby Flay Burger Looks Worse, and Things Looking Up for New York Sports

April 17, 2024 Angry Ward Angry Ward, Featured 0

NEW YORK, NY – Ah, me, another lovely Wednesday in April. Before I get started, I need to get a couple of bits of housekeeping out of the way first. My friend JG Clancy wanted me to be sure to mention that Houston Rockets center Boban Marjanovic intentionally missed at the end of a road game against the Clippers last week and won all the fans in attendance free Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches. This makes him a good guy and probably cements his cult-hero status in LA for at least a little while. Also, JG wanted me to mention that the New York Mets are “back from the dead,” as Short Matt handled in his column yesterday. Now, where was I?

JG Clancy

Tiger Woods at the Masters. I watched a little bit of the Masters this past weekend (Sunday, mostly, as it’s good for napping) and my biggest takeaway is that Tiger Woods looks 100 years old. I’m serious, Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, and Arnold Palmer look better… and Palmer died in 2016. Anyway, someone should maybe come collect Tiger and maybe get him a nice place at The Villages in Orlando. That’s a pretty promiscuous bunch up there. He’d fit right in with those handsy seniors with back issues.

Bobby Flay and the Yankees… Made for Each Other.Just stumbled upon an Instagram post by cilantro-loving chef Bobby Flay, touting his Crunch Burger offering at Billy Crystal’s Whore Emporium™. Flay and the Bombers are a perfect pairing of punchable smarm merchants. Anyway, look at this unholy abomination? You could put your eye out with that bacon and potato chips on a burger is just the worst idea from a guy who’s full of them.

Knicks, Rangers, & Islanders. For the next few weeks, maybe longer, New York is going to be a fun place to be if you’re a sports fan. Baseball is just getting started but having the Knicks, Rangers, and Islanders all being in the playoffs should be quite the spectacle. The Knicks and Rangers both finished strong – at or near the top – so the expectations of long-suffering fans of both teams should be through the roof. Nothing more entertaining than walking past a bar when a Knicks or Rangers playoff game is on. And the Isles will be there too, to try to spoil it for the Rangers, if they get that chance.

OK, I’m going to take a page out of some of my colleagues’ books and cut this one short today. Like Frank Costanza, sometimes it’s good to stop short. It’s a solid move! Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz and I’m guessing some sort of Knicks playoff preview.

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About Angry Ward 772 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.