Angry Ward Wednesday: Get Paid To Be A Mets Fan


Angry Ward & cnc63 cheer Ranger loss.

NEW YORK, NY - A couple of weeks ago my friend Liz hipped me to a company that puts together focus groups and was looking for people interested in sports to participate in a 2-hour discussion on baseball and corporate sponsorship for which you would be paid 125 smackers. Sounded like easy enough money to me so I threw my name into the ring, as did my friend Mikey “Ed Kranemule” Thornton. Funnily enough, we were both selected two participate in the same group, and the whole thing was about the New York Mets and Citibank.

Six of us (four men, two women) entered a conference room with one of those two-way mirrors usually reserved for real life police precincts or old reruns of Law & Order featuring Matt McCarthy.

The first thing we all noticed was that the temperature of said conference room was somewhere between Ice Station Zebra and a Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis reunion. Nevertheless, we left our sweatshirts and sweaters on and got right down to talking about corporate sponsorship of events, stadiums, just about anything. I immediately opined that I thought stadium sponsorship was a monumental waste of money, I mean did anyone ever decide to bank with Citibank based on the fact that they have their name on the home of the Mets? Later I corrected myself and suggested that I would maybe pull my money out of a bank if it were the “official bank of the New York Yankees” or gave McCarthy any kind of homeowner’s loan. Dean_Martin Jerry_Lewis baseball Meet_The_MattsAnyway, even though we all agreed that corporate sponsorship has pretty much gone past the saturation point, no one in the room thought it would stop there. Wearing company names on team jerseys has been done in soccer for years and perhaps that will one day be the solution for the Washington Redskins, when they simply become, The Federal Express.

But easily, the most fun part of this panel was simply talking about the Mets. One of the first questions asked was, “How did you become a Mets fan?” My favorite response was the girl who said that her boyfriend introduced her to the team and followed, “He’s gone, the team stayed.” Then we were asked to come up with biography titles to best describe our experience as Mets fans. I was so excited by this idea that my brain completely locked. Later I thought of such titles as “The Joy F**ked Club” and “Ya Gotta Bereave.” Then we got into adjectives and any other words or phrases that came to mind to describe the team which was mostly negative stuff along the lines of “frustrating,” “snake-bit,” “also-ran,” “horrible ownership,”  etc. Though I am sure the folks behind the two-way mirror were mostly ad and market research people, it was nice to imagine that one of the Wilpons had to sit and listen to this. Seriously, you get six Mets fans in a room and the Stockholm Syndrome is palpable. Why are we here? Why do we love this team? We must be crazy. In any event, we then got to talk about CitiField itself and what were our favorite and least favorite things about the stadium. While most agreed that the openness of the concourses and being able to watch the game as you walk around was a good thing, Mikey and I protested that there were way too many sight line problems where you can’t see entire portions of the field from certain seats. Everyone also felt that the concession offerings were much better but still way too expensive. I also got sidetracked talking about how bad Met Life Stadium is. Sure, CitiField ain’t perfect, but it’s not the clusterf**k abomination that sits in East Rutherford.

Redskins Cheerleaders

They do have hot cheerleaders: CLICK

Finally, they wanted thoughts on how the stadium could be made better. The two general components they were focusing on was celebrating the fans and celebrating the city. Even though we didn’t have to sign any non-disclosure agreements, I won’t get into specifics. I will say that the name of Dr. Jonathan Zizmor came up and the thought of The Matts possibly one day being enshrined into a Hall of Fame made me shudder. Anyway, the two hours went by quickly and we all suffered only minor frostbite. When we finished we bundled up and made our way out. I took a slight detour to go see the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree before heading home. It made me feel good. I just got 125 bucks for being a Mets fan. Christmas had come early.

Come back tomorrow for jolly Ol’ Reliable.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
  • RugbyWrapUp

    Don’t they already pay Mets fans to watch that team? And those cheerleaders sure do make the skin red!

    • vinny from brooklyn

      we should! lol

      • Meet The Matts

        Get in line, Vinny!

  • buffalobilly84

    Mccarthy was on SVU?! That’s Forrest Griffin! Wtf???

    • Meet The Matts

      Short Matt was the Dana White character. But cooler.

    • jgclancy

      His acting style of “looking stunned” in the finally scene was honed from years of being a Mets fan and watching them give up leads late in the game.
      Go Aztecs—-or should we change the nickname to Matadors once we’re done with the Buffalo Bulls on Dec. 21st? Glad MtM gave 3 1/2 points–the line is starting to drop!

      • AngryWard


  • The Public Professor

    maybe you should just donate that buck and a quarter it to the bonilla/bey fund

    • AngryWard

      It’s already earmarked for the Granderson Foundation.

      • Junoir Blaber

        The Prof lives! Trust me 75 cents of every dollar goes to the Wilpons!

  • Cheesybruin

    Holy Crap! The Stockholm Syndrome line still has me laughing! Mets season ticket holders should get free anal wart removal from Dr. Zizmor for sitting through one disastrous season after another. Was that bullet intended for Short Matt in the SVU episode?

  • Junoir Blaber

    I have seen that episode of SVU before and never realized Short Matt was in it

    • AngryWard

      That’s the mark of a good actor.

      • jgclancy


  • SAF

    Being a Mets fan for no pay; being a MtM fan for no pay, similar amounts of satisfaction, what’s the diff?

  • Grinding Ax

    I think the residual mental damage of being a Met fan may be close to watching the rerun of Matt McCarthy’s forgettable appearance on that show. Was that Ice Cube, Ice Tea or ICU?
    Next you’ll be coming up with a day with Mookie Wilson along with the audio from Matt’s Champion Mortage radio spot…….and with the Mets? champion says NO

  • Tall Matt

    You pulled a basic Cindy Brady there with the biography titles

    • AngryWard

      Bwahahahaha! Guilty.

  • Tall Matt

    Oh and what about this bit of assjackery – Bartolo Colon? 2 year deal for a 40 year old coming off of a brief juice fueled renaissance? Fake Sandy Alderson please explain.

    • jgclancy

      Mets give themselves their own Colonoscopy!

    • Dude

      keep pouring juice down that colon. then it might be worth it

  • WestCoastCraig

    this is my favorite kind of post. I hope at one point you got up and started shouting at the mirror in the room.

    • AngryWard

      Yes, like Costner in “No Way Out.”

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