Angry Ward Wednesday: Football, Hoops, Baseball & Pucks… We Got it All

Angry Ward at The Conclave
Angry Ward at The Conclave

NEW YORK, NY – It’s funny how in the span of a couple of weeks we’ve moved from the sports dead zone to all hell breaking loose everywhere. As my friend “The Knish” likes to say, “I’m as serious as a heart attack in your ass.” How much is happening in sports right now? So much that I’m not even going to bother talking about the apparent resurrection of Tiger Woods or that the 11-20 Liberty Flames punched their ticket to the NCCA Basketball Tournament. Clearly, God was on their side. Anyway, let’s get right to it.

Free Agency Frenzy. The NFL officially started their free agency period yesterday and the Jets made a huge splash (like Rex Ryan climbing into a bathtub) by signing David Garrard to be Mark Sanchez’s backup. You can’t make this stuff up, because, well, who would want to? In more compelling news, my Vikings traded Mr. Migraine, Percy Harvin, to Seattle for a few draft picks. The Seahawks have been trying to get the better of the Vikings for years since Minny stole Guard Steve Hutchinson away from them and all they have to show for it is, a bad Nate Burleson signing, a bad Tarvaris Jackson signing, and thus-far bad Sidney Rice signing. We’ll see how this one works out and whether Harvin will end up strangling coach Pete Carroll. Oh, the Niners countered Seattle’s move by getting Anquan Boldin from the Ravens for a measly 6th-round pick. They still have to pay him but that’s still a bargain.

Boldin, Chipper, Carmelo Meet_The_Matts
Football, Hoops, Baseball & Pucks: Who’s the happy guy?

New York Bricks. Monday night my Golden State Warriors exacted revenge on the New York Knicks by holding them to a measly 63 points beating them 92-63 in Oakland. This was supposed to be Carmelo Anthony’s triumphant return but instead the 63 points allowed equalled a defensive accomplishment the club set back in 1953 when they were the Philadelphia Warriors. In short, Knicks fans, are you sure this team is as good as you think they are? I’m of the opinion that they’d be getting their heads handed to them regularly out West by the likes of the Spurs, GrizzliesThunder, and others. Keep a close eye on this road-trip to see if I’m right.

Why Nok Hockey? I think it’s fairly impressive how many hockey die-hards are on this site, especially given the fact that it’s routinely dismissed as the behavioral-problemed toothless stepchild of the four major sports. I’ve been slowly getting back into it since finally ridding myself of the stench of the Dallas Stars. This weekend my new allegiance to the Minnesota Wild was rewarded as they beat Vancouver and moved into first place in the Northwest Division. Still, enthusiasm is tempered. Their 28 points in 24 games equals the NY Rangers’ own mediocre total. Hopefully they can start winning on the road, a problem virtually every team from Minnesota has. In the meantime, I’ll also be paying attention to the Blueshirts as well as Cheesy’s Bruins and, yes, even the Islanders.

arodcuz
YU-SUC!

Yanks Feeling Chipper? In baseball it’s all about the Yankees. When is it not all about the Yankees? This time it’s Daredevil GM Brian Cashman saying that he’d be interested in coaxing recently-retired Braves third-bagger Chipper Jones out of retirement. Jones immediately responded saying that he was “happy with life as a bad golfer.Braves coach Terry Pendleton added this little gem to the speculation of Chipper in pinstripes: “I think a lot of Mets fans would come over to Yankee Stadium to boo him.” Anyway, hopefully it’s a dead subject. In other fun Yankee news, Alex Rodriguez’s cousin Yuri Sucart who was apparently A-Rod’s PED mule is suing him for $5 million. Among other things, Sucart is claiming emotional distress over his A-Rod-like nickname, YU-SUC. Anyway, sounds like everyone in that family deserves each other. Finally, I won’t even dignify the rumors that Robbie Cano, Curtis Granderson, and A-Rod will be suspended for failing drug tests until it’s proven true.

There’s a rumor that Lori Levine might be back tomorrow. Let’s hope so.

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About Angry Ward 649 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.