It’s the Name Game: Our Phone-In All Star Game

Stan Sitwell is a good name.
Stan Sitwell is a good name.

HOLLYWOOD, CABrrrrnng, brrrrrrnng…who’s calling? Me, phoning in this piece? Yes! Because the votes are in on the annual Phone-In All Star Name Game and we’ve got perhaps our strongest field yet! First up, we’ve got the…

Write In Winner: Yasiel Puig. Few names are as fun to say as “Pweeg,” and they lend themselves to instant catchphrases like “Bay of Puigs,” “MVPuig,” and “That’ll do, Puig.”

Catcher: There’s a Posey and a Flowers; and if you say “steak” with a lisp (go ahead!), you could be the Cubs’ Welington Castillo; but the winner goes way back to classic English Lit for San Diego’s Yasmani Grandal, a real monster still waiting for his Beowulf.

First Base:  The Bucs’ Gaby Sanchez moonlights as a western coot; and while the alliteration of the Braves’ Freddie Freeman is nice, it’s just a little too Amish sounding: better to go with Brandon Belt, without whom the Giants’ pants would fall down, which would make the ass-kickings they’ve been getting recently sting even worse.

Second Base:  The perennial spot for the Cubs’ Darwin Barney, there are some newcomers like the Mets’ pinch hitting extraordinaire Jordany Valdespin, which sounds like the most vomit-inducing street carnival ride; and Texas’ Jurickson Profar, whose name is the answer to the question “How far you gonna go playing baseball?”

Shortstop:  Special props to Toronto’s favorite Japanese import Munenori Kawasaki, but you can go a long time before finding a gem of a name like the D-Backs’ Didi Gregorius, who joins the famous Didis in history like Conn, Bridgewater, and Ramone.

Third Base:  It’s a category that includes Trevor Plouffe, but even though he’s on the DL there’s no way the fans weren’t going to vote in the Padres’ Jedd Gyorko.

Outfield:  There are some unfortunate names here (see Gyorko above), and ranking right up at the top is the Cubs’ recent call-up Brian Bogusevic, and leaving him off the list would’ve been totally bogusevic.  The Miami Marlins may be a bad team, but if you like the way some Latin names just roll dramatically off the tongue, they’ve got a lyrical sounding trio patrolling the outfield in Juan Pierre, Giancarlo Stanton, and Marcell Ozuna….while Minnesota has a more American brand of hillbilly names like Clete Thomas, Aaron Hicks, and Oswaldo Arcia.  I guess that last falls into the Latino Hillbilly category…

...Lyle Overbegley Jr.
Lyle Overbegley Jr.

I don’t have any Yankees on this list yet, but they’ve got a good one here in sparkplug stopgap Zoilo Almonte… Lyle Overbay, you say?   Sure it’s kind of WASPy sounding, or like a bus stop lawyer, but the reason I’m compelled to mention him is because damn if he doesn’t look a little like Ed Begley Jr.  And that makes my new nickname for him, which does make the list…

Fake Sandy Alderson, tomorrow.

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About West Coast Craig 226 Articles
West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.