Angry Ward Wednesday: Beasley Bounced, Manish Mehta Assaults Rex, A Boy Named Christine

Manish MehtaNEW YORK, NY – A couple of days ago my daughter asked me if I knew everything. I chuckled and told her that while I appear to be an omnipotent demigod, there are many things that I do not know. In fact, on a daily basis I come across things that I find absolutely baffling. Here’s just a handful of head-scratchers.

Weed Whacked. How the hell do the Phoenix Suns cut forward Michael Beasley as a result of a recent bust for suspicion of marijuana possession? Said Suns President of Basketball Operations Lon Babby (the best Lon Chaney/Jim Bibby mash-up name ever):
“The Suns were devoted to Michael Beasley’s success in Phoenix. However, it is essential that we demand the highest standards of personal and professional conduct as we develop a championship culture. Today’s action reflects our commitment to those standards.”
I don’t get it? Does this mean the Suns are cutting everyone on their team, dropping out of the NBA, and moving to Utah?

Andy_Reid Meet_The_Matts
Your caption here.

Manish Boy. Who is Manish Mehta, and why is he trying like hell to get Rex Ryan fired? I’d never heard of this Daily News contributor until Sanchez got hurt against the Giants and now he’s a one-man Rex Ryan assassination squad. His latest salvo takes Rexy to task for attending his son’s football game at Clemson rather than being around for the Jets’ final roster cut-down day. Look, I am the last one to support Rex Ryan or anything else regarding the Jets, but this is pretty ridiculous. First, the Jets suck, so what difference does it make whether or not Rex is there to say goodbye to a bunch of guys that couldn’t even crack his scrubby roster? Secondly, is it such a crime for a father to take a day off to go visit his kid? Ask Andy Reid how putting football before family worked out for him? Manish, actually sounds like a fairly good adjective for Mr. Mehta.

Spaghetti Oh. Last night, on request, I found myself making spaghetti and meat sauce for my daughter’s fifth birthday. As I took out the box of Barilla, I noticed that it was not just called “Spaghetti,” it was called “Spaghetti n. 5.” What the frog is that? Does it have anything to do with Joe DiMaggio or maybe even Lou Bega’sMambo No. 5?” Hoping Cheesy Bruin, Vinny from Brooklyn, or any other Paisan out there can clear this one up.

Christine _Michael Meet_The_MattsA Boy Named Christine? I just had my fantasy football draft the other night, and after one of my friends selected a running back from Seattle named Christine Michael, I pretty much sat there dumbfounded. First, who is Christine Michael? Second, whatever happened to football names? Names like Bronko Nagurski, Tuffy Leemans, and Richie “The Salt Truck” Perlongo? Christine Michael? Really? If things keep going this way the next thing you know the Pittsburgh Steelers will sign an offensive tackle named Guy Whimper. Uh oh… too late.

OK, that’s all for today. Those 5-year-old b-days have a way of wearing one out.

Come back tomorrow for a tan-lined Lori Levine or Cam James’ redneck red neck.

 

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About Angry Ward 691 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.