NORTH SALEM, NY – Sometimes life throws you so many curve balls, that you just want to see a frickin’ gasser right down the pike to let out your frustrations. I’m 11-8 (58%), mainly because of an “oh-fer” or “golden sombrero” two weeks ago. Excuses? Sure. Recent plumbing and computer collapses and crap associated with collapsed marriages has me in an ornery mood. But I have to keep quiet because I’m typing this post at the Ruth Keeler Memorial Library. Frack me! Here are today’s selections to make somebody out there happy.
FAVORITE: Normally, I don’t like laying double-digits within conference, but there’s nothing normal lately so why the hell not is all I can come up with as rooting for the sourly demonstrative Jim Harbaugh and his crew of miscreants goes against regular thought. Colin Kaepernick looks like Al-Qaeda, the Cardinals coach wears Kangol hats made famous by Run DMC and just doesn’t jive with the last name Arians, as there’s nothing white about the fashion but a vanilla offense led by Carson Palmer makes up for the lack of blandness. I’m convinced Crybaby Harbaugh screws with the Vegas number in games like this but the pick is SAN FRAN -11.
UNDERDOG: There are a slew of dogs I like today. But in picking between the Chargers, Steelers, Panthers or Bucs, I’m siding with a team and head coach who might be more miserable than me or the 0-6 New York Giants and their fan base… Greg Schiano and the Bucs recently jettisoned disgruntled starting QB Josh Freeman (landed in Minnesota to cheer up Angry Ward) amid what might turn into a mutiny on the Pirates ship with a few more losses. I’ll take a chance on a stolid defense against the likes of a Nick Foles trying to run Chip Kelly’s gimmick offfense. TAMPA BAY +1
UNDER: This is the last game of four in a row versus the AFC South for Seattle and the defense will be glad to see these opponents go – until the Super Bowl – with unaccustomed lapses leading to some recent high-scoring affairs. The problems on the defensive side of the ball need to be addressed immediately, as two divisional opponents, Arizona and St. Loo, are on tap in road games after today’s tilt against the Titans. Seattle’s Best coffee and the home team’s 12th Man rev up the Seahawks and thus keeps this game UNDER 40 1/2.
OVER: I’m not concerned with the injury report like a bettor should be when selecting an ‘over’ wager as Detroit travels to the rejuvenated Dawg Pound in the arm pit of America known as Cleveland. Backup QB-turned-starter Brian Hoyer is out and Brandon Weeden is back in, Megatron is a question mark after last week’s no-go, Nate Burleson is nursing a broken arm from his car accident, and Detroit has the NFL’s third best red zone defense. Blah, blah, blah. The Lions need to get their offense going any way possible and Matthew Stafford needs to start making plays along the lines of Reggie Bush. Check the line on this one, but for now it’s at 45. DET/CLEV OVER 45