CHRISTMASTOWN, USA – It’s that time of year again; the end of it, where there’s a light at the end of a the tunnel on an all-too-quick 2014, and everybody in the world seems to be out there jamming up traffic and snaking parking spots at the mall. It’s a terrible time to be out there, and the universe just doesn’t seem to want to cooperate, making things extra weird lately, and yesterday was one of the weirdest yet. How strange was it?
This Isn’t CBS Sports: My esteemed colleague Cheesy Bruin got it right when he said yesterday would’ve been a good day to get that Christmas shopping done (Unfortunately, it was the only thing he got right but who’s keeping track?!). The slate of football games was so bad, the rules governing which network covers which conference had to be tossed. The early west coast FOX game featured two teams from the AFC North because apparently CBS couldn’t even stomach showing the Browns and the Bengals play.
MJ & The Mamba: Kobe Bryant passed Michael Jordan on the all-time scoring list. This is a tremendous achievement; it was his first pass of the season.
Mumps the word: The Pittsburgh Penguins announced that Sidney Crosby has the mumps. Who gets the mumps these days? Apparently NHL players do, as no less than five players have gotten it in the last month. Goddamn anti-vaxxers strike again.
Warriors come out to play-ayyyy: The best team in the NBA are the Golden State Warriors, who won their 16th straight game by outlasting the Pelicans in OT. There are so many strange things about that sentence I don’t know where to begin. Were the Pelicans the gang that rode roller skates?
Speaking of that Browns-Bengals game: The best part about it is that it put a Paul’s Boutique Beastie Boys song in my head:
That’s right y’all his name is Johnnie:
Texas is where he’s from. Got a big white hat but he’s no Bum (Phillips). He throws the ball all over the place, he takes a sack by falling down on his face.
He’s a college star from the days of old, likes to go to bars all uncontrolled.
Got happy feet and can’t make a throw, he’ll make you forget all about Tebow.
Yet makes “pay me” signs, sells a Snickers bar
Johnny Manziel, who-do who do you think you are?
Obligatory New York Football Mention. The Giants and Jets both won yesterday. You’d have to go back to week 16 of the 2013 season to find the last time that happened…or one full NFL season.
Come back tomorrow for someone who will assuredly be insufferable – depending on your perspective – re the Cowboys beating Philly, “Grinding Ax” Walter Hynes.