BRONX, NY – I’m BAAAACK! Yup. That’s what you’re all saying- and so did my Yanks upon my return to Yankee Stadium yesterday. And boy, did my drive EVER get better after having to stop at the Van Cortland exit because a mini Cookie was queasy. What’s this?!?! A text from the Short Bald One asking if I wanted to pinch hit today. YES! This game would provide plenty of material. So let’s get on with it. Here are some of my Deep Thoughts (cue Jack Handy) from Wednesday’s Yankees game:
-It’s DELLIN BETANCES Bobble Head Day!!! F*CK YEAH!!!! Wait… this isn’t a bobble head… it’s a figurine. WTF? I guess for a dude who is 6’8″ and 265lbs, they can’t really make a bobble head to scale. Alas…I’ve now got four of them in my house.
–Delta SkyLine 360 Suites. Yea this is good on humid day. Still doesn’t beat the Wonka Golden Ticket of the Legends’ Suite hook up. Damn… I’m slumming it.
-Yes. Table service for $97 worth of food we’re calling dinner and not including booze. But wait.. it’s air conditioned.
–Is that? Jeez I’d bet a child that’s Jeff Nelson. Wait… what’s that Yankee official guy doing? Can I still see that far to that little sign he just put up? YES! I’m not THAT old yet. Yeah, that says Yankee Alumni Jeff Nelson Autographs.
-Hmm…how do I explain to my boys who he was and how much ogeda he gave me as a Yankee fan. Never consistent and part of the puke inducing duo of Nelson/Stanton. “Yes boys… he was a great relief pitcher.” Way for him to go to Angry Ward’s Mariners after his Yankee tenure and pitch WAAAAY better. F*cker.
-“Nice to meet you Jeff. Yeah, I saw you guys at Game 6 of the ’96 World Series.” OK. so he just replied “Oh, wow,” and that was it. Hmm. ‘Say ‘Thank You’ to Mr. Nelson boys.’ And CLICK. Photo taken. Moving on. Jeez that line was short.
-Yankee Sushi for dinner. I may be dead by dawn.
-Wow. There’s not a lot of people going to see Jeff Nelson. Now I feel bad. What kind of Yankee fans are these people?! Where is Mrs. Matt when I need her?
-Game-time. If these kids ask for new Yankee hats ONE more time…
-CRACK…. OH Sh*t. We’re in prime foul back territory.
–Mr. Cookie just asked me how many Gregoris there are on the team. Yes there’s one player with a FIRST name Gregori and then Didi Gregorius. Not the same. “But there’s another player with the first name ‘Gregori.” NO there’s not. “Yes there is.” OMFG. Where’s the beer wench?
–CC looks skinny…or is the uniform just bigger now? Mark Teixeira’s ass looks smaller… still quite the badonkadonk on that guy tho.
–CRACK. OH Sh*t. Oh SH*T! It’s coming right for us!! FWAP! YAY! Wow. That guy just caught the foul ball right behind my kid’s head. Thank god he wasn’t taller. The dental bill woulda been a bitch. What? Is that a British accent?! Yup. He caught it with ONE hand. Oh what’s that? You’re a rugby player? Makes sense.
–WOOOOOOO Teixeira! Solo home run. He must know I came to see him…. and Jacoby. I’m so glad he’s back.
-Eww. This infield no Bueno.
–Yay CC. We’re up. He smoothed out. I’ll take it. I think.
-Who is this Bryan Mitchell kid? OMFG. He was born in 1991. And I’m ancient.
-Holy SH*T A-Rod just BELTED that. Going… going…. PHEW… Caught. Man I hate him.
-Pitch six by this kid. Wild pitch. No harm. And mound conference. This is absurd. Does this kid have some kinda tick they gotta talk to him?
-WOO! Another Teixeira home run! He’s calling my name.
-Nice hats boys. Yes, let’s leave now.
And with that… we left in the bottom of the sixth, and on the way out saw Tex make a dandy of a play by the dugout for an out. The boys got new hats… I got to see a decent game and a Yankee win, and I’ve got a bobble-head that doesn’t have a bobble-head. For a first place team that I didn’t have high hopes for this season, I’ll take it.
Feel free to comment below come on back tomorrow!