Mets’ Sandy Alderson is Back! Moneyball for Football?

sandyFranklin, TN—(Real) Sandy Alderson is back! Yes, the esteemed senior member of the New York Mets’ $10M front office made his first public appearance last night after treatments for cancer over the last month or so. Glad he’s feeling better.

Actually, it’s more like an $8M front office now that Sandy’s right hand man Jonah Hill has been lured away by…the Cleveland Browns?

Yes, Hill (aka Paul DePodesta-though he wouldn’t give the makers of the film “Moneyball” permission to use his name, and so we’re avoiding doing so as well out of fear of legal action) has served under some of the more distinguished owners in all of sports.

Hill toiled as the 9 year old GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers under owner Frank McCourt. You remember McCourt? He was embroiled in a bitter divorce with his wife and so money got a little tight during his ownership tenure in LA. McCourt took the then unfashionable decision to funnel team generated revenues to pay down his own personal debts. Can you imagine the unmitigated gall of this McCourt fella?  Hill was purged from the Dodgers’ cocoon after using too much printer paper.  Calls to Staples to confirm exact paper counts used by Hill have not been returned.

After his McCourt experience, Hill returned to Baseball when his great grandfather Alderson summoned him to Flushing to help straighten out the Mets. When he joined the Mets he famously described the opportunity as “Moneyball…but with Money this time!”  Wow-did he miscalculate that one. During his time with the Amazin’s Mr. Hill mostly stayed in the background, giving infrequent interviews and generally ran errands for Great Grandpa.                                                                 wilpon1

Also key to Mets’ progress, was the very thing that had gotten McCourt excommunicated by the Church of Selig and MLB. It seems that when McCourt was plunging into team revenues to pay down personal debt, it was a terminable offense. McCourt was forced to sell the Dodgers. When Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz looted most of the revenues generated by the Mets and their network SNY to pay down their comically and criminally high debt service, Bud Selig praised their “resourcefulness.” The former MLB commissioner felt perfectly comfortable with how his mishpucha was running things in Queens.

So Hill (DePo) now takes his talents to the western shores of Lake Erie where he will re-invent the game of football while working for Browns owner Jimmy Haslam. McCourt and Wilpon may have been junior varsity members of the owners’ club. Haslam has contributed to his family business in creative fashion that may dwarf the Wilpons’ M.O.  But that’s a story for another day. Bottom line: The Browns are not the worst franchise in professional sports for no reason.

So Hill is quite experienced working for criminals and even seems drawn to them.  If Donald Trump decides to buy into another pro sports franchise, you can be sure to whom his first call will be.


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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake