NEW YORK, NY – Cue Rod Serling saying, “Imagine if you will...” and then realize you’re here, in Mattville, where the surreal becomes truth. Where lines are blurred and the unbelievable takes hold… Imagine if you will a world without any of your favorite teams playing anything last night, today, tomorrow or possibly… ever again. Grim? Sure? Scary? You bet. But this is Meet The Matts and we don’t buckle under or kowtow to global pandemics. We’re fanatics. Fanatics look reality in the face and scoff (as any Mets/Jets fan knows). Fanatics lean toward being, dare I say… batty! (that’s a Coronavirus joke). Anyway, that awkward attempt at levity leads us to today’s topics: Crazy Sports Stars You’d Want On Your Team.
DENNIS RODMAN: His marketing team and subsequent public image iterations were inspired by Madonna, whom he allegedly rode like the village bicycle. Sure, Dennis Keith Rodman is nuttier than a fruitcake and counts Kim-Jun Yeung as one of his golfing buddies. But man, if you need a rebound in a critical spot, The Worm is your invertebrate animal of choice.
MANY RAMIREZ: Quick, name a sports personality that led to our legendary contributor West Coast Craig devoting a recurring series/sit-com to him! That’s right, it was Manuel Arístides Ramírez Onelcida. From living his entire Red Sox career in a hotel to the picking of a song about weed as his intro song with the Dodgers. “Manny being Manny” became as common as any SNL catch-phrase. This is a guy that didn’t leave the batter’s box on ball four because he didn’t get keep track of balls. Here’s Manny explaining to Boston GM Dan Duquette, Ramirez said:
“I don’t keep track of the balls. I don’t keep track of the strikes, either, until I got two. Duke, I’m up there looking for a pitch I can hit. If I don’t get it, I wait for the umpire to tell me to go to first. Isn’t that what you’re paying me to do?”
MARK FIDRYCH: His gruesome death stole one of the most unique on-camera personalities in the history of sports. The Bird talked to the ball, believing it had a certain number of hits in it. He’d ask a the ball to be put back in the bag to “goof around” with the others and come out with more hits. Mark Steven Fidrych had people in Detroit smiling in the late 7os. That makes him a miracle worker cut from the swath similar to Jesus H Christ’s. Two little tears in a rotator cuff – which can be fixed arthroscopically today, robbed him and us of his career after a blazing rookie year and 6-0 start to his sophomore season.
MIKE TYSON: “Alright kid, watch his left, work the body and when you’re in close, bite his f**king ear off!” And guess what, Iron Mike would. And did. Michael Gerard Tyson also had a pet tiger. Nuff said.
PATRICK ROY: Arguably the NHL’s greatest goalie, Roy to this day is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. A superstitious sort, Patrick Jacques Roy frequently talked to his goal posts during games. He never [ever] skated across the lines on the ice – unless it was in a mad rush to punch the opposing goalie in the face. Even then, he was wary. We’ve all seen his temper in clips on the news but did you know he destroyed a video room after beating the Ducks because Coach Bob Hartley told him he let up a soft goal? But need a win in a Game 7? Pat Roy is the pick here.
That’s it. Come back tomorrow for a guy that eats life-threatening diseases for breakfast, Sneezy Cheesy Bruin.
And now a little William Shatner, who at 88 is divorcing his 4th wife.
