NEW YORK, NY – As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our [Tuesday] savior, Big Ben Whitney, here are some tidbits to whet your whistle off the sports wire:
Hot Tub Tony
The White Sox hired 76 year-old party boy Tony La Russa to be their manager. We knew that. What we didn’t know is that the non-tea-totaling Tony got a DUI the week before they signed him… and yes, THEY KNEW. Wally Backman is still beating a water cooler to death somewhere.
Politics is a like sports: nobody cares what you have to say after you lose the big one. Never was that more evident than when FOX News’ Cavuto cut off White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany’s press conference about aliens on Venus and voter fraud. Suddenly, the fetching feline for which many clamored to hear her every word, sounds a lot like Peppermint Patty’s teacher.
“I’m getting tired of sucking. Simple,” said Cameron Jerrell Newton. The embattled New England Patriots QB wasn’t great last night but he didn’t suck last night. And THAT is good enough against Gang Gase (tm) Close but no cigar, Jets fans!
That’s all for now, look for Big Ben’s column shortly, if he can get the gerbils on the wheel to run fast enough on his Internet generator.
And don’t miss Angry Ward!