Angry Ward Wednesday: Available QBs, NBA Sleaze and Other NFL Dead Zone Menu Items

Gary-Bettman, Kirk Cousins, Jamie Longoria, Vikings, Seinfeld, David-Puddy, Kramer, NFL-Dead-Zone, Meet-The-Matts, Ward-Calhoun, Angry_Ward

BRONX, NY – The dead week between the NFL Conference Championships and the Super Bowl absolutely sucks. All year long you’re building to this one colossal game and then you tell everyone to cool their jets for 7 friggin’ days. It’s enough to give you sports blue balls. So, instead of getting right to KC vs. TB, we get to sit around and talk about all the other crap that doesn’t matter near as much. So, let’s go ahead and do that. Pfft.

Wanna Quarterback? If your football team is in desperate need of a change under center, there’s never been a better time to pick up a new or pre-owned QB. I mean, you’ve got Trevor Lawrence, Justin Fields, Zach Wilson or any of the other brand-spanking new quarterbacks available in the draft. Of course, more than a few of these models will end up having weird, unpredictable, and sometimes unfixable factory recalls. But look at all your great options on the local Used Arms lot. You’ve got Deshaun Watson, Matt Stafford, Aaron Rodgers, as well as some lower-tier models who may need a little more elbow grease if not complete engine/ego rebuilds. But still, so many choices! Except if you’re the Minnesota Vikings. My Vikes are stuck with Kirk Cousins through 2022. Teams would sooner trade for a raging case of COVID and, if they cut him, their cap hit is like what Different Matt would call elevendy bajillion dollars. So, I get to watch this sh!tty show starring football Tim Allen for two more years. I’m great at writing things that make me miserable. It’s my special gift.

Hockey! Many of you might not remember this, but we used to have a commenter on this site (think his name was David?) who used to drive all the MTM puckheads crazy with his one simple repetitive comment: “hockey is a niche sport.” That guy was kinda funny. I miss having him around. Anyway, we’re only like 6 or 7 games into the season and a couple of things are very clear. The NHL’s attempt to screw over Minnesota by banishing them out West has failed, and they are now laser-focused on winning it all and jamming Lord Stanley’s Cup up Bettman’s butt. The other thing is, the New York Rangers are hot garbage.

NBA Ménage à weird. Pro basketball has really just become an exclusive swingers party that very few get invited to. Just a handful of teams that are stockpiling stars to make a run at a title. In fact, right now the “moresome” looks like it consists of just the Lakers, Clippers, Bucks and Nets. That’s fine, I guess. It’s just weird to hear about expansion—yes, Seattle deserves its team back—when the haves to have-nots ratio is pretty out of whack. SEATTLE NBA EXPANSION, Kraken, NHL Expansion, Meet-The-MattsThis seems to be the way sports is tilting these days. Hard to imagine a future in basketball, baseball and (to a lesser degree) football, where the games’ best players are gonna want to band together and make a title run in Indiana or Detroit.

Man, I gotta pull this post out of the fire. Need to get to a universal subject and get JG Clancy and maybe Cheesy Bruin involved.

Gastronomic Olympics. If we do nothing else this week, as well as Super Bowl week, we should be eating with reckless abandon. Last Sunday I made more Corn Chowder than anyone could possibly consume, but I enjoyed the process.It started with crisping up a half pound of bacon and ended with my huge stock pot being filled precariously close to the top with three pounds of corn, two pounds of yukon gold potatoes, chicken stock, a pint of half and half, and yellow onions aplenty. What’s everyone eating these days? I need to know. Also, this week is NYC Restaurant Week. I’m definitely going to order some to-go food when I do my two days at work in midtown. As Seinfeld’s David Puddy would say, “Gotta support the team.”

Bauer Power. Last second addition here. Apparently the Mets are chucking money at Trevor Bauer like Pac Man Jones in a strip club, while the Yankees continue shop for arms at the Pitcher Dollar Tree. Let’s see how this plays out.

Did someone say corn?

Come back tomorrow for some warmed-up Knicks leftovers courtesy of Buddy Diaz.

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About Angry Ward 585 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.