“Youth is wasted on the young.” – Oscar Wilde
NEW YORK, NY – You know you’re getting older when you start saying things like, “It used to be different, not like this f***ing bulls*it we have now with all these little p*ssies.” Yours truly has arrived at this cruel stage in life, the philosophical one where a person is [much] closer to death than birth. But there are advantages, as in the inferred gained knowledge in Mr. Wilde’s quote. In fact, I’ve become something of a walking/talking almanac/encyclopedia of sports misinformation, trivia and conflated facts. This makes me a self-tabbed expert that can speak to today’s topic(s) – Fragile MLB Stars Need To Stop Getting Hurt:The White Rat, Giancarlo, Thor, Springer, Wright
The White Rat
Many moons ago Joe Magrane was a young lefty trying to make Whitey Herzog’s starting rotation with Cam James’ Cardinals. The White Rat, as Herzog was known, grew weary of Magrane’s time on the DL IL and questioned the young hurler’s diet. “He should try a steak every now and then.” Granted, this was from the “rub some dirt on it era” and watching his diet certainly didn’t injure Magrane, but perhaps his fitness regimen foreshadowed the manic way players train and eat today. Does anyone recognize that baseball players are not meant to look like Muscle Magazine cover boys?! We have a league of athletic specimens that look great on a beach but cannot stay on a diamond. I’m looking at you Giancarlo.
Should a pitcher really be actually built like Thor?
David Wright signed a huge contract and barely played. George Springer is nursing a quad injury. 15 Mets are out with hamstring issues. HAMSTRING ISSUES?! Stop squatting 450 lbs and go back to running the f**king stadium stairs! It seems there is a direct correlation to the more a player gets paid, the less he plays.
And the Injury Terrorist dropped another bomb last night in Flushing, NY…
Jacob deGrom
The best pitcher since… well, ever [arguably] – didn’t pitch the 7th inning, despite allowing only 1 hit and throwing 80 pitches. This time that blasted Injury Terrorist used right flexor tendinitis to strike unfathomable fear into the hearts and minds of Mets fans – and true baseball fans – everywhere. In layman’s terms, that’s the elbow situation. To his credit, deGrom was calm and collected about it, saying he’s not too concerned. Well Jake, that makes one of you in that department. The rest of us are absolutely terrified. NOT. YOU. AGAIN. Not now. No. Please. No. Met fans can do without Cookie, Conforto, Noah, Nimmo, The Squirrel, J.D.… Collectively, they don’t mean as much as you. That’s pretty obvious, as the subs just beat the west’s best again and maintained the Amazin’s first-place status in the process. What’s even worse about this latest terror is that deGrom isn’t one of the beach guys. He’s more Pat Zachary than he is Noah Syndergaard in the wet t-shirt comps. Sandy Kofax Koufax is wistfully nodding somewhere.
Ugh…
That’s all I have. I just sprained a hip flexor at Cross-Fit prepping for my table tennis tournament. Comment below and come back tomorrow for the Dirt Rub King, Cheesy Bruin, who will be wearing a Mike Bossy jersey… See? I told you I was old.
