Canadian Goverment Conspiracy Theory Ruins NHL Playoffs

Cam James wants to stick this up Tarasenko's a**.

OTTAWA, CANADA – The grassy knoll. UFOs and Ancient Alien Theory. The Dalai Lama is a CIA agent. The Illuminati. The Wuhan Lab leak theory. What do all of these conspiracy theories have in common? They were all considered to be fringe ideas that only a quack would believe. They also have been proven to be true or there has been enough evidence to move them into the mainstream.

After JFK was assassinated the top snipers of Vietnam War all came to the conclusion that the claimed shot was not possible. Georgio Tsoukalos’s show Ancient Aliens has put forward compelling evidence of structures not possibly created with the science available to ancient man or modern man for that matter. The Dalai Lama was paid 170k a year by the CIA in the 60s as part of a larger program to subvert Chinese interests. The Illuminati has been brought to light by real life organizations such as Bilderberg in conjunction with Dan Brown literature. The Wuhan Lab leak theory went from social media blackout to control information, to the most plausible origin through genetic research in conjunction with a heap of circumstantial evidence so large no one can ignore it.

All of these real life conspiracies pale in comparison to the amount of effort it must have taken for the NHL, in conjunction with the Canadian government, to ensure a Canadian team was in the Stanley Cup Final. Consider me the canary in the coalmine. Consider me the quack if you must. Mark my words, In a few years this will come to light as being the greatest ruse in sports history since the Black Sox threw the World Series.

Please indulge me and hear out the logic.

Cam James: Indulge me.

Motive: The last Canadian team to win Lord Stanley’s cup were the ’93 Habs. The last Canadian team to make the final was the 2011 Canucks. Since ’93, Canada’s floundering was compounded by losing multiple teams (Nordiques, Jets, and the Oilers had a relocation scare in the 90s). For those blue shirt fans on this forum ask yourself the following: Given that the Rangers haven’t won a cup in a similar amount of time as all teams in Canada; What would you be willing to do to increase your odds of winning? If Jim Dolan was a Canadian he would do just about anything.

Non Covid Status Quo: In non-covid times the Canadian teams are sprinkled throughout the divisions. Habs, Sens, Leafs in the Atlantic, Jets in the Central, and the Oilers, Flames, and Canucks in the Pacific. Under this setup one team from each division is guaranteed a spot in the conference finals. The only problem is that the Atlantic contains the Bolts and Bruins. The Central contains the Blues, Stars, Avs, and Preds. The pacific contains the Golden Knights. This leaves Canada’s best hope of actually reaching a conference final in the hands of its worst teams in recent years the Oilers and Flames.

Covid Opportunity: Many Canadians have been miffed by the fact that the commissioner of “their major sports league” is an American who to my knowledge has never played hockey. Bettman’s moves from labor disputes to realignment have largely shaped the sport in favor of marketing to the American audience in pursuit of the American dollar. For decades Bettman froze out bids for NHL teams from towns like Hamilton and Mississauga, ON in favor of placing teams in Pheonix, Tampa, Seattle, etc. Seemingly from a Canadian perspective there was no way to regain control save for calling a player into Toronto for a bad hit. Then Covid happened.

The line that declares people in Bismark, ND are different from people in Winnipeg (they aren’t) became impassable for political reasons. Bear in mind that the Canadian policy through the pandemic was to prevent “Non-Essential” travel. It would have been quite easy for the Canadian government to declare the NHL essential international business. The players and staff were getting tested more than anyone else in the entire world. They fly on chartered planes with zero exposure to the outside world. The would have met all requirements to pass back and forth, but the Canadian government saw an opportunity to guarantee a spot in a conference final for a Canadian team and subsequently a greater opportunity to win a Stanley Cup.

Realignment Implications: Not only did an all Canadian division guarantee a spot in the conference finals it forced the best competition to play each other in earlier rounds as well as beat each other up in the regular season. The Lightning moving out of the Atlantic in conjunction with the Caps and Pens being lumped in with the Bruins and Islanders consolidated talented teams into one division in the East. The Knights would have played the Avs in the conference final not the second round. They also would have only played twice in the regular season as opposed to eight times. The whole setup screamed Canadian bias and here we are with the team with the fewest regular season points of any team to make the playoffs in the finals after a burned out and depleted Knights team fell in seven games.

Mark my words. When Justin Trudeau leaves office there will eventually be an investigation. That investigation will conclude that this year’s NHL season was a farce created by the Canadian government. They had motive. They had opportunity. They have the hopes and dreams of American children on their hands. Sanctions will follow. The Habs will be forced to move to Nunavut. The Oilers will become the Hartford Whalers. The Vancouver Canucks will simply be known as the Vancouver Hockey Team….. In Vancouver Washington.

To all you puck heads out there put aside your feelings for the Bolts (who are up 3-0). You must cheer for the team that isn’t the Habs.

Share Button
About Cam James 105 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.