NEW YORK, NY – I’d like to start off today by giving belated Thanksgiving thanks to everyone here who left Major League Baseball’s insane free agency antics to me. You people give and give and give some more… except for Short Matt who won’t even give me a plug nickel for what must be like at least a half million words by now? Anyway, I digress. Baseball’s hot stove is not just heating up, it’s shaking violently and erupting, not unlike the stove in that Little Rascals short where the kids bake a cake full of prizes. (Weep wow!) Hard to keep track of it all, except in the Bronx, where #ConEd has apparently shut the gas off at Yankee Stadium. More on that in a bit. The lockout looms at 11:59 tonight. Let’s get to it.
Stevie Signs Scherzer. After signing baseball’s version of the cast of Thirtysomething, in the form(s) of Starling Marte, Eduardo Escobar, and Mark Canha, Mets’ owner Steve Cohen went after the biggest, been-around-the-blockingest, and priciest 30+++-year-old on the market. Say hello to your newest New York Met, Max Scherzer! The 37-year-old Scherzer signed a 3-year deal for $130 million deal with an opt-out after two years. But why opt out when you’ve got a bonkers billionaire funding the last year of your massive retirement package? That’s a lot of sweet moolah… and the Nationals are still paying him $15 million a year in deferred money through 2027, so for the next three years he’ll be making roughly $58 million a year to throw a baseball. That sound you hear is Jacob deGrom getting healthy, wrapping himself in bubble wrap, and waiting to opt out. Anyway, way to grab the headlines, Steve! LFGM!
Mariners Manning Up. At long last—20 years and counting—the Seattle Mariners are looking like they’re ready to make their move. Hey, you can’t rush these things. They finished with 90 wins last year, just barely missing the playoffs with a team few could name even a single player on. This past week they made two very solid moves to bolster their very young roster. First they traded for Adam Frazier from the Padres. He’s 29, can play multiple positions, and is a lifetime .281 hitter who doesn’t strike out a lot. Then they signed last year’s AL Cy Young winner, Robbie Ray, to a 5-year $115 million deal. Sure, he’s not Scherzer, but that seems like a bargain anyway, especially since he’s not yet 30. Anyway, I like what I’m seeing, Seattle. Please don’t sign Conforto.
Texas Two Step. Meanwhile the Texas Rangers just forked over $325 million to Corey Seager (sorry, Yankees), $175 million to Marcus Semien, and $56 million to Jon Gray. I haven’t seen such lavish hayseed spending since The Beverly Hillbillies went off the air. Way to shore up your middle infield and grab a pedestrian starting pitcher for half a billion dollars, Texas. With a little luck, you might finish in third in the AL West. Fingers crossed for you guys.
And now, let’s go for a live look-in at the Yankees war room to see what Brian Cashman and the rest of the Bombers’ braintrust is up to…
Just kidding. The Yanks have made some significant moves of their own, signing former Met Jose Peraza and someone named Joely Rodriguez (???). I haven’t listened to New York sports talk radio in over a decade, but something tells me I should get back on that horse.
That’s it for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will probably be talking about the Knicks, since the Yanks are sleeping and Jalen Hurts is hurtin’.