Big Ben: Unwatchable Yanks – Five Spin-off Shows I’d Rather Watch

CATSKILL MOUNTANINS, NY – Watching the New York Yankees right now is painful. Aaron Hicks looked like a Rays’ double agent last night. It occurred to me, after I switched over to Netflix, that I’d watch almost anything instead of these bums. And as Better Call Saul is all the rage, here are Five Spin-off Shows I’d Rather Watch Than the Yankees:

Fish Eat Pussy (Sopranos)
A big moment in the early Sopranos seasons was when Big Pussy was tossed overboard to sleep with the fishes. In this spin off, we watch fish pick at his corpse at the bottom of the Atlantic. Special episodes could be hosted by Vincent Pastore, the actor who played BP. “Hey, there’s a flounder going to town on my balls, oh marone.”

Marty Byrd Works at the DMV (Ozark)
I like Jason Bateman’s acting and his emotionally suppressed portrayal of Marty Byrde, but sometimes I feel like he could show a little more emotion. In this spin off, the Byrde family is put into witness protection and Marty gets a job at the DMV. His patience and stoic demeanor is tested. “F*ck me? Please calm down, Sir. I’m not the one who filled out the wrong form. Back of the line please.”

The Adventures of Hot Pie of Ghost (Game of Thrones)
In a world where everyone wanted wealth and power, Arya’s ill-fated friend Hot Pie just wanted delicious, hot pie. He was killed in the show but in this sequel he somehow lived and continues his pursuit of pie in a cruel world. And he picks up a companion, Ghost, Jon Snow’s beloved dire wolf, who’s fate on the show was unknown. In this spinoff, Ghost and Hot Pie strike up an unlikely friendship as they travel the Seven Kingdoms in search of the perfect pie. This show is expected to be light on dialogue but heavy on howling.

Skinny Pete and Badger Go on Tour (Breaking Bad)
Sure, Breaking Bad already hit it big with a prequel, but why not a sequel? Low level drug dealers and friends of Jesse Pinkman, Badger and Skinny Pete, talked a lot about getting their band back together if they could just get clean. Well in this spin off, they manage to get clean and get the band back together. But they run into a whole host of new problems in trying to follow up their breakthrough hits, Slinging the Blue and No Jesse, You’re the Bitch.

Quag in the Clink (Family Guy)
The law finally catches up with Glenn Quagmire when he roofies the police chief’s daughter. In this spin off, he’s just trying to survive behind bars where the meanest of gang murderers think he’s the lowest scum. Quohog Karma comes around, giggety giggety.

What did I miss?

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About Ben Whitney 402 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.