Big Ben: Six Sports Things to Give up for Lent

Like Jesus emerging from the cave, Aaron Rodgers emerges from the darkness retreat, as Stephen A. Smith glares.

New York, NY: We’re smack dab in the middle of Lent, originally created as a time of preparation of candidates for baptism and a time of penance for grievous sinners who were excluded from Communion and were preparing for their restoration. Now it’s been co-opted by bald men looking to virtue signal by taking a short break from getting bombed and throwing up on themselves. Anyway, here are Six Sports Things To Give Up For Lent.

1. Steven A. Smith. I don’t care how advanced AI gets, it will be never be able to create a fictional character more annoying than Steven A. He’s the worst. When I come across his mug on TV, I click away faster than if I had landed on a Nicholas Cage movie marathon… Michael Kay recently said that the Rangers would be the next New York team to win a title, and this loudmouth idiot said hockey didn’t count. It’s time for ESPN trade him to the Home Shopping Network, if that still exists. I’m telling you right now, you have to have the Princess Amanda Jewelry Collection.

2. The US Government: Novak Djokovic still can’t play tennis here for unscientific and punitive reasons. He was even allowed to play in Australia, but “the US is stuck on stupid” in the words of an HBO pundit. We’re in a pandemic of people who can’t admit they were wrong. Let the man play already.

3. Doubt of the Knicks: I’m beginning to believe. But I would like to see how this new version would look against the Bucks and maybe the Sixers before I go all in. Don’t look now, but this team is one game back of the Cavs for fourth place and a home playoff series. Josh Hart has been a revelation. Don’t sleep on these Knicks.

4. Patrick Kane trade talk: Thankfully, this one finally happened. And I know it’s only been two games, but it hasn’t looked good. Usually you look to add grit before the playoffs, but the Rangers went the other way and tacked on some skill. Which they probably didn’t really need. The trade also really put them firmly against the cap wall. Thankfully Miller’s suspension is over and they can stop with this five D nonsense. They need to get the ship back on track before the playoffs.

5. NY QBs: Derek Carr got a nice four year, $150 million dollar deal from New Orleans. Were the Jets unwilling to go there because they’re going all in on Rodgers? I hope it happens but I don’t want to hear another word until we know what he’s doing. I can’t take one more word about the “darkness retreat.” This whole story needs to be shoved up someone’s darkness retreat. Carr getting a tick under $40 million a year could have repercussions on Daniel J’s contract. The more experienced Carr not getting $40 million might not be great news for Danny. But Jones still young and has some room to grow, unlike Carr. So maybe the Giants will buck up. It sure looks like a tag situation, which could be bad news for Saquon. Either way, I don’t want to hear about it anymore. Tag him. Sign him. Let’s go.

6. Meaningless Stats: Giannis Antetokounmpo needed one rebound for a triple double on Sunday vs the Wizards. In the waning seconds, after everyone stopped playing, he took the ball to the basket and bounced it off the glass to himself. Come on man. Who cares about a meaningless rebound? Imagine Bill Russell doing that. Just because someone gave it a cute name and Ice Cube messed around and got one on a particularly good day, it doesn’t mean a triple double means anything. Real athletes don’t need to pad their box score with nothing stats. #weaksauce.

That’s my time. Comment below and come back tomorrow for Angry Ward. And follow us on Twitter at @benwhit8 & @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts. And we’re on Instagram, too – @MeetTheMatts.

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About Ben Whitney 396 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.